Daddys fault

[linescum]

Daddy's fault. I'm three hours late cause Daddy sleeps naked!" Miss Crabtree had taught grammar school for over thirty years but had never heard that one before. "Exactly what does that mean, Johnny?" "Well, Miss Crabtree, a coyote's been hangin' round the ranch lately. He's killed six hens and Ma's best goat. So last night, when Daddy heard a noise out in the chicken pen, he grabbed his gun and told Ma, 'That coyote's back again. I'm a'gonna git 'im!'" He told us kids to stay inside and he ran out naked as a jaybird, no boots, no pants, no shirt, no nuttin'! He crawled out to the hen house, stuck his shotgun through the window of the chicken coop. As he tried to see into the dark coop, our hound dog came sneakin' up behind him and stuck his cold nose right up Daddy's behind! Miss Crabtree, we been cleanin' chickens since three o'clock this mornin!'"

 

[linescum]

AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES

1. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent
you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

2. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then
you will be afraid to cough.

3. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by
getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

4. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by
simply using the sink.

5. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.

6. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget about the toothache.

Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are: You only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

Remember:


* Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
* Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.
* If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You get another
chance.
*And finally, be really nice to your family and friends; you
never know when you might need them to empty your bedpan.

 

[bigal]

U TURD! I actually LOL on some of those!..............and I've heard some of them before!

I won't do anything naked anymore since we got a couple bucket calves. I won't explain, those who have feed a bucket calf know what I mean.

Not that I feed the animals naked.........wholy _______ did I open up something about rednecks there! As a famous actor would say "Idiot, jeeezzzzzz"