Best Smart Ass answers........

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by deltadude, Dec 22, 2009.

  1. deltadude

    deltadude Master of the Pit OTBS Member


    It was mealtime during an airline flight. 'Would you like dinner?' the flight attendant asked John, seated in front. 'What are my choices?' John asked.
    'Yes or no,' she replied.


    A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat, she said, 'Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub.'


    A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, 'Do these turkeys get any bigger?' The stock boy replied, 'No ma'am, they're dead.'


    The police officer got out of his car as the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. 'I've been waiting for you all day,' the officer said. The kid replied, 'Yeah, well, I got here as fast as I could.' When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.


    A truck driver was driving along on the freeway and noticed a sign that read: Low Bridge Ahead. Before he knows it, the bridge is right in front of him and his truck gets wedged under it. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, 'Got stuck, huh?' The truck driver says, 'No, I was delivering this bridge and I ran out of gas.'


    A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. 'Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!' A smart-ass student in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, 'What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?' The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, 'Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.'


    A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.' The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.
  2. beer-b-q

    beer-b-q Smoking Guru OTBS Member

  3. oneshot

    oneshot Master of the Pit SMF Premier Member

  4. jamminjimi

    jamminjimi Meat Mopper

    Just what I needed.[​IMG]
  5. smokeifuhavem

    smokeifuhavem Fire Starter

    That's good stuff!!!
  6. meat hunter

    meat hunter Master of the Pit SMF Premier Member

    That is some funny stuff right there. LOL Good ones.......
  7. forluvofsmoke

    forluvofsmoke Smoking Guru OTBS Member


    They're all pretty good, but, damn, that last one caught me off gaurd!!!!

  8. dirt guy

    dirt guy Smoking Fanatic

    ...was a cocktail waitress brushing back the advances of an intoxicated patron. Finally, after trying to flirt with her for an unknown length of time he got frustrated and got up to leave. He held up a penney and proclaimed to the world "Here Toots, thanks for last night."

    Without missing a beat she exclaimed "Wait!---I can make change!" He slinked out of the lounge with his tail between his legs.[​IMG]

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