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Smoking Fanatic
Original poster
OTBS Member
Jul 3, 2005
Stuart and Palm Beach, Florida
[align=center][align=center][align=center]Sometimes when I reflect on all the beer I drink, I feel ashamed.
Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the
brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this
beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered.
I think, "It is better to drink this beer and let their dreams
come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."

-- Babe Ruth

An intelligent man is sometimes
forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.

-- Ernest Hemingway

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

-- Paul Hornung

24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case.
Coincidence? I think not.

- H.L. Mencken

When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep.
When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go
to heaven. So, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!

George Bernard Shaw

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

- Benjamin Franklin

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind
is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention,
but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.

-- Dave Barry

Beer: helping ugly people have sex since 3000 b.c.

-- W.C. Fields

Remember "I" before "E", except in Budweiser.

Professor Irwin Corey

To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a
"support group." Salvation in a can!

-- Leo Durocher

One night at Cheers, Cliff Clavin explained the "Buffalo Theory" to
his buddy, Norm. "Well ya see, Norm, it's like this. A herd of
buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the
herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that
are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a
whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps
improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much
the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the
slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills
brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest
brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer
eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and
more efficient machine! That's why you always feel smarter after a
few beers.
One night, the three pigs go out do dinner. The waiter stops at their table and asks if they would like something to drink before dinner. The first pig orders a nice wine, the second pig orders an iced tea and the third pig orders three beers.

The drinks are served and the waiter takes their order for dinner-the first pig orders the Stuffed Lobster Tail, the second pig orders a salad plate and the third pig orders three more beers.

The waiter clears away the now empty dinner plates and asks if they would like dessert-the first pig orders apple pie ala mode, the second pig orders a strawberry sundae and the third pig orders three more beers. The waiter looks at the third pig and asked "Why are you ordering nothing but beers?" The third pig replies "Well, one of us has to go 'WEE WEE WEE' all the way home!"
And in the immortal words of Homer Simpson. . .

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