BEER!!!

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by soflaquer, Jul 17, 2005.

  1. soflaquer

    soflaquer Smoking Fanatic OTBS Member

    [align=center][align=center][align=center]Sometimes when I reflect on all the beer I drink, I feel ashamed.
    Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the
    brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this
    beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered.
    I think, "It is better to drink this beer and let their dreams
    come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."

    -- Babe Ruth


    An intelligent man is sometimes
    forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.

    -- Ernest Hemingway


    When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

    -- Paul Hornung


    24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case.
    Coincidence? I think not.

    - H.L. Mencken

    When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep.
    When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go
    to heaven. So, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!

    George Bernard Shaw


    Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

    - Benjamin Franklin


    Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind
    is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention,
    but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.

    -- Dave Barry

    Beer: helping ugly people have sex since 3000 b.c.

    -- W.C. Fields


    Remember "I" before "E", except in Budweiser.

    Professor Irwin Corey


    To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a
    "support group." Salvation in a can!

    -- Leo Durocher



    One night at Cheers, Cliff Clavin explained the "Buffalo Theory" to
    his buddy, Norm. "Well ya see, Norm, it's like this. A herd of
    buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the
    herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that
    are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a
    whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps
    improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much
    the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the
    slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills
    brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest
    brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer
    eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and
    more efficient machine! That's why you always feel smarter after a
    few beers.
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  2. Finally!!! Justification for my favorite habit! Thanks!
     
  3. soflaquer

    soflaquer Smoking Fanatic OTBS Member

    Amen, Brother!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
     
  4. dutch

    dutch Smoking Guru Staff Member Administrator Group Lead OTBS Member SMF Premier Member

    One night, the three pigs go out do dinner. The waiter stops at their table and asks if they would like something to drink before dinner. The first pig orders a nice wine, the second pig orders an iced tea and the third pig orders three beers.

    The drinks are served and the waiter takes their order for dinner-the first pig orders the Stuffed Lobster Tail, the second pig orders a salad plate and the third pig orders three more beers.

    The waiter clears away the now empty dinner plates and asks if they would like dessert-the first pig orders apple pie ala mode, the second pig orders a strawberry sundae and the third pig orders three more beers. The waiter looks at the third pig and asked "Why are you ordering nothing but beers?" The third pig replies "Well, one of us has to go 'WEE WEE WEE' all the way home!"
     
  5. dacdots

    dacdots Master of the Pit OTBS Member

    THE BEER GODS ARE VERY PLEASED
     
  6. dutch

    dutch Smoking Guru Staff Member Administrator Group Lead OTBS Member SMF Premier Member

    And in the immortal words of Homer Simpson. . .

    MMMmmm...BEER!!
     

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