BBQ Rules

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by bwsmith_2000, Jun 26, 2009.

  1. bwsmith_2000

    bwsmith_2000 Master of the Pit OTBS Member

    [font=&quot]BBQ RULES[/font][font=&quot]
    Entering the BBQ season it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this outdoor cooking activity.[/font]
    [font=&quot] When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion:[/font][font=&quot]Rule number:[/font][font=&quot]
    (1) [/font]
    [font=&quot]The woman buys the food.[/font][font=&quot](2) [/font][font=&quot]The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert[/font][font=&quot]
    (3)[/font]
    [font=&quot]The woman prepares the meat for cooking, place s it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill - beer in hand.[/font][font=&quot]
    (4)[/font]
    [font=&quot]The woman remains outside the compulsory three meter exclusion zone where the exuberance of testosterone and other manly bonding activities can take place without the interference of the woman.[/font][font=&quot]
    Here comes the important part:[/font]
    [font=&quot]
    (5)[/font]
    [font=&quot]THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.[/font][font=&quot](6)[/font][font=&quot]The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.[/font][font=&quot]
    (7)[/font]
    [font=&quot]The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is looking great. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he flips the meat [/font][font=&quot]
    Important again:[/font]
    [font=&quot]
    (8)[/font]
    [font=&quot]THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.[/font][font=&quot]
    (9)[/font]
    [font=&quot]The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces, and brings them to the table.[/font][font=&quot]
    (10)[/font]
    [font=&quot]After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.[/font][font=&quot]
    And most important of all:[/font]
    [font=&quot]
    (11) [/font]
    [font=&quot]Everyone....[/font][font=&quot]PRAISES....The MAN[/font][font=&quot]and [/font][font=&quot]THANKS HIM[/font][font=&quot]for his cooking efforts..[/font][font=&quot]
    (12) [/font]
    [font=&quot]The man asks the woman how she enjoyed her night off. Upon seeing her annoyed reaction, the conclusion is that there's just no pleasing some women.[/font]
     
  2. jirodriguez

    jirodriguez Master of the Pit OTBS Member SMF Premier Member

    .... forgot to mention where to send the flowers after she kills him... lol.
     
  3. werdwolf

    werdwolf Master of the Pit OTBS Member

    I'm pretty sure my wife has never seen the rule book [​IMG]
     
  4. rbranstner

    rbranstner Smoking Guru OTBS Member

    Yep those rules don't seem to get followed around my house.
     
  5. polishmeat

    polishmeat Meat Mopper

    Dawn - any comments?? LOL jk

    steps 1 -12 are done by yours truely
     
  6. flagriller

    flagriller Smoking Fanatic OTBS Member

    I have that posted on my frig along with this:


    [​IMG]
    • Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have be thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they get home and the prospect of a good meal is part of the warm welcome needed.
    • Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.
    • Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.
    • Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives. Run a dustcloth over the tables.
    • During the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering to his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.
    • Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Encourage the children to be quiet.
    • Be happy to see him.
    • Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.
    • Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first - remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.
    • Don't greet him with complaints and problems.
    • Don't complain if he's late for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through at work.
    • Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or lie him down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.
    • Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.
    • Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.
    • A good wife always knows her place.
     
  7. WOW!! I gotta get that ^^^^for my fridge.
     
  8. flagriller

    flagriller Smoking Fanatic OTBS Member

    Yup, and if she's not complying, I just point to it....
     
  9. caveman

    caveman Master of the Pit SMF Premier Member

    And she let's you live?? You should sleep lightly my friend. Evil things are done in the night.
     
  10. flagriller

    flagriller Smoking Fanatic OTBS Member

    Sleep? Not at home....only at work.
     
  11. sharonazamboni

    sharonazamboni Fire Starter

    I sincerely hope the reverse is true if it's the woman doing the "real work"!!! I gotta go get some meat and some wood, now....
     
  12. sharonazamboni

    sharonazamboni Fire Starter

    FlaGriller- If only I were a housewife from days gone by...I'd (seemingly) kiss the keister of yon provider of hearth and home! I'd have uninterrupted days to plan and execute my good meals. Alas, I have been required to continue employment elsewhere, fueling the never-ending duel regarding household duties and leaving neither party willing to provide the other with the mentioned niceties! 

    Seriously, how great would it be to have the time and resources to play with fire and food all you want!!!  My dream for retirement! :)
     
  13. flagriller

    flagriller Smoking Fanatic OTBS Member

    That would be fun, in reality we share all the duties and now that the kids are in college my wife is going to go back to work part-time. She's been at home for the last 20 years and even home schooled the boys, all I cabn say is she's done a wonderful job at raising the kids and keeping the house going!
     
  14. sharonazamboni

    sharonazamboni Fire Starter

    Kudos to you and your wife! I could never have home schooled my kids. And it takes a lot of work to keep the house going!
     

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