Army Letter

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by meateater, May 13, 2010.

  1. meateater

    meateater Smoking Guru SMF Premier Member

    Dear Ma and Pa:
    I am well. Hope you are. I sure miss yall. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer that the Army beats working for old man Minch, by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all the places are filled. I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 6am, but I'm getting so I like to sleep late.
    Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot and shine some things. No hogs, to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing. Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there's warm water.
    Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food. But tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit between two city boys that live on coffee. Their food plus yours holds you till noon, when you get fed again. It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much.
    We go on "route marches," which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it is not my place to tell him different. A " route march" is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks. The country is nice but awful flat. The sergeant is like a school teacher. He nags some. The captain is like the school board. Majors and Colonels just ride around and frown. They don't bother you none.
    This next part will kill Walt and Elmer with laughter. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don't know why. The bullseye is hear as big as A CHIPMUNK'S HEAD AND DON'T MOVE... and it ain't shooting back at you neither, like the Higgett boys at home..... All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don't even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.
    Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful, though. They break real easy. It ain't like fighting with that old bull at home. I'm about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Broward County. He joined up the same time as me. But I'm only 5'6" and 130 pounds, and he's 6'8" and weighs near 300 pounds dry.
    Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before others get onto this setup and come stampeding in.

    Your loving daughter,
  2. beer-b-q

    beer-b-q Smoking Guru OTBS Member

    Didn't see that coming...
  3. adiochiro3

    adiochiro3 Master of the Pit OTBS Member

    gave the whole family a good laugh!
  4. crazybuoy

    crazybuoy Newbie

    this also make you laugh 

    Top 15 Confucius Sayings

    Confucius is wise, in fact we'd be much wiser taking his advice. Below are the top 15 Confucius sayings, otherwise known as his famous analects. While there are literally hundreds or thousands of them, most probably made up - we've picked our favorites.
    1. Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
    2. Baseball is wrong. Man with four balls cannot walk.
    3. War doesn't determine who is right, only who is left.
    4. Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse.
    5. Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
    6. Man who run behind car get exhausted.
    7. It take many nails to build crib but one screw to fill it.
    8. Man who fishes in other man's well often catches crabs.
    9. Man who go to bed with itchy butt wake up with stinky fingers.
    10. Marriage is like game of poker. You start with pair and end with full house.
    11. Man who farts in church sits in his own pew.
    12. He who eats too many prunes, sits on toilet many moons.
    13. Elevator smell different to midget.
    14. Those who quote me are fools.
    15. Confucius say too damn much.
    Let's add some of your favorite Confucius analects in the comments section below. I'll get you started... "Confucious say..."
  5. bearcarver

    bearcarver Smoking Guru OTBS Member

    Like Paul, I never saw that comin'-----Beauty!

  6. abigail4476

    abigail4476 Jeff's Woman SMF Premier Member

    Haha!  Awesome!  [​IMG]
  7. cowgirl

    cowgirl Smoking Guru OTBS Member

    lol Good ones!

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