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And Today is...........Who Cares!

sawhorseray

Smoking Guru
OTBS Member
★ Lifetime Premier ★
5,406
7,316
Joined Oct 17, 2014
I have everything that I wanted as a teenager, only 60 years later. I don't have to go to school or work. I get an allowance every month. I have my own pad. I don't have a curfew. I have a driver's license and my own car. The people I hang around with are not scared of getting pregnant and I don't have acne. Life is great. I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People get out of the way much faster now.
Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers. Now they drink like their fathers.
I didn't make it to the gym today. That makes five years in a row. I decided to stop calling the bathroom "John" and renamed it the "Jim". I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.
Old age is coming at a really bad time.
When I was a child I thought "nap time" was a punishment. Now it feels like a small vacation.
The biggest lie I tell myself is... " I don't have to write that down, I'll remember it".
I don't have gray hair... I have "wisdom highlights"! I'm just very wise.
If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would've put them on my knees.
Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven't met yet.
Why do I have to press one for English when you're just going to transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway?
Of course, I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice.
At my age "Getting Lucky" means walking into a room and remembering what I came In there for.

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chopsaw

Epic Pitmaster
OTBS Member
SMF Premier Member
★ Lifetime Premier ★
10,696
7,178
Joined Dec 14, 2013
Lol . The dishes piled up . LOL . You're a bad man Ray .
Good ones in there , and I could go for a Papa Burger about now .
 

MJB05615

Master of the Pit
OTBS Member
2,759
1,419
Joined May 12, 2018
All real good ones Ray! Especially the "When did you notice your Wife was dead?" I literally L'd OL.
Thanks my friend, really appreciate these.
 

checkdude

Meat Mopper
SMF Premier Member
296
192
Joined Jan 1, 2016
Love them all. Wonder where to get the one with -both shots. Priceless!
 

GaryHibbert

Legendary Pitmaster
OTBS Member
★ Lifetime Premier ★
9,200
2,529
Joined Jun 20, 2013
Really good batch, Ray.
Love the "if men got pregnant" and "notice your wife was dead.
Gary
 
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