A few funnies

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by peter, Mar 25, 2007.

  1. Marvin found the following ransom note slipped under his
    front door. "Bring $50,000 to the 17th hole of your country
    club tomorrow at 10:00 AM if you ever want to see your wife
    alive again."

    But it was well after 1:00 PM by the time he arrived at the
    designated meeting spot. A masked man stepped from behind
    a bush and demanded, "You're three hours late. What took you
    so long?"

    "Give me a break!" said Marvin, pointing to his scorecard.
    "I'm a 27 handicap."

    **********

    One of my college friends asked a group of us for advice on
    organizing his final report for the year. "Why don't you
    use Roman numerals to head the different sections?" another
    friend suggested.

    "I already thought of that," he replied. "But my keyboard
    doesn't have Roman numerals on it."

    ***********

    A magician calls a man up on stage, hands him a mallet and
    instructs the guy to hit him as hard as possible on the head.

    The magician then proceeds to put his head down on a wooden
    block.

    The man shrugs his shoulders and takes a mighty swing.

    Three years later, the magician wakes up from a coma in the
    hospital and goes.... "Taa-Daa!"

    ***********

    Millions of years ago, there was no such thing as the wheel.
    One day, some primitive guys were watching their wives drag
    a dead mastodon to the food & fire area. It was exhausting
    work; the guys were getting tired just watching.

    Then they noticed some large, smooth, rounded boulders and
    they had a great idea! They could sit on top of the boulders
    and get a better view of their wives working.

    This was the first in a series of breakthroughs that ulti-
    mately led to television...and later to the remote control.
    --Dave Berry

    **********

    A noted psychiatrist was a guest at an academic function,
    and his hostess naturally broached the subject in which
    the doctor was most at ease. "Would you mind telling me,
    Doctor," she asked, "how you detect a mental deficiency
    in somebody who appears completely normal?"

    "Nothing is easier," he replied. "You ask a simple question
    which anyone should answer with no trouble. If the person
    hesitates, that puts you on the track."

    "What sort of question?"

    "Well, you might ask him, 'Captain Cook made three trips
    around the world and died during one of them. Which one?'"

    The hostess thought a moment, then said with a nervous
    laugh, "You wouldn't happen to have another example would
    you? I must confess I don't know much about history."
     

Share This Page