Yes, these are real

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by wildflower, Apr 27, 2011.

  1. Best Worst Country-Western Songs
    Yes, these are real.

      _____  

    Get Off the Table, Mabel (the $2 is for the Beer)

    I Bought the Shoes that Just Walked Out on Me

    How Can I Get Over You if You Won't Get Out from Under Me?

    I Went Back to My Fourth Wife for the Third Time and Gave Her a Second Chance to Make a First Class Fool Out of Me

    I've Got Tears in my Ears from Lyin' on my Back in my Bed While I Cry Over You

    I Want a Beer as Cold as My Ex-Wife's Heart

    It's Hard to Kiss the Lips at Night that Chew Your Ass Out All Day Long

    I Slipped and Fell in Love

    Billy Broke My Heart at Walgreens and I Cried All the Way to Sears

    Hair in My Eyes Like a Highland Steer

    I Can't Get Over You, So Why Don't You Get Under Me?

    My Give-A-Damn's Busted  

    If I Had My Life to Live Over, I'd Live Over a Delicatessen

    If I Were In Your Shoes, I'd Walk Right Back To Me

    Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off  

    All My Exes Live in Texas

    She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy

    Saddle Up the Stove, Ma, I'm Riding the Range Tonight

    I Thought She Was Out Jogging, But She Was Running Around On Me

    Am I Double Parked by the Curbstone of your Heart?

    If the Phone Don't Ring, It's Me Not Calling You Up

    All the Guys Who Turn Me On Turn Me Down

    Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth 'Cause I'm Kissing You Goodbye

    (Pardon Me) I've Got Someone To Kill

    Peel Me a Nanner

    I Don't Care if it Rains or Freezes, As Long as I Have My Plastic Jesus (Sittin' on the Dashboard of My Car)

    I Got In At 2 With A 10 And Woke Up At 10 With A 2

    If The Jukebox Took Teardrops I'd Cry All Night Long

    If Love Were Oil, I'd be a Quart Low

    Her Teeth Were Stained, But Her Heart was Pure

    I Don't Know Whether To Come Home Or Go Crazy

    I Kissed Her on the Lips, and Left Her Behind for You

    Her Body Couldn't Keep You Off My Mind

    Her Cheatin' Heart Made A Drunken Fool Out Of Me

    I Don't Want Your Body If Your Heart's Not In It.

    I Just Bought A Car From The Guy That Stole My Girl, But The Car Don't Run So I Figure We Got An Even Deal

    I Gave Her My Heart and a Diamond and She Clubbed Me with A Spade

    Out Of My Head And Back In My Bed

    You're A Cross I Can't Bear

    At the Gas Station of Love, I Got the Self-Service Pump

    How Come Your Dog Don't Bite Nobody But Me?

    If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You

    If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To, I'd Be Out By Now

    I Wish I Were a Woman (So I Could Go Out With a Guy Like Me)

    I Would Have Wrote You a Letter, But I Couldn't Spell Yuck!

    It Don't Feel Like Sinnin' To Me

    I'm Gettin' Gray From Being Blue

    If You Can't Live Without Me, Why Aren't You Dead Yet?

    Would Jesus Wear A Rolex On His Television Show?

    You Hurt The Love Right Out Of Me

    I Sat Down On a Beartrap (Just This Morning)

    I Sent Her Artificial Flowers For Her Artificial Love

    Mama, Get The Hammer (There's A Fly On Papa's Head)

    Heaven's Just A Sin Away

    She Made Toothpicks Out Of The Timber Of My Heart

    I Was Looking Back to See If You Were Looking Back to See If I Was Looking Back to See if You Were Looking Back at Me

    Guess My Eyes Were Bigger Than My Heart

    If Fingerprints Showed Up On Skin, Wonder Whose I'd Find On You

    Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You

    Liked You Better Before I Knew You So Well

    Gave Her My Heart and a Diamond And She Clubbed Me With a Spade

    I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling

    Going to Hell in Your Heavenly Arms

    If Whiskey Were A Woman I'd Be Married For Sure

    It Ain't Love But It Ain't Bad

    Still Miss You Baby, But My Aim's Gettin' Better

    I Wouldn't Take Her To a Dog Fight, Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win

    I've Been Flushed From The Bathroom Of Your Heart

    She Feels Like A New Man Tonight

    Are You Drinkin' with Me, Jesus?

    I May Be Used (But Baby I Ain't Used Up)

    I Hate Every Bone in Your Body (Except Mine)

    I'm The Only Hell Mama Ever Raised

    If Drinkin' Don't Kill Me Her Memory Will

    Velcro Arms, Teflon Heart

    If You Can't Feel It (It Ain't There)

    Your Negligee Has Turned To a Flannel Nightgown

    You're The Hangnail In My Life, And I Can't Bite You Off

    You Changed Your Name From Brown to Jones, and Mine From Brown to Blue

    Touch Me With More Than Your Hands

    The Last Word In Lonesome Is "Me"

    Do You Love As Good As You Look

    I'll Marry You Tomorrow But Let's Honeymoon Tonight

    Who's Makin' Time with the Time Keeper's Daughter, when the Time Keeper's Keepin' Time?

    When We Get Back To the Farm (That's When We Really Go To Town)

    Walk Out Backwards Slowly So I'll Think You're Walking In

    All I Want From You is Away

    My Shoes Keep Walkin' Back to You

    You Stuck My Heart In a Old Tin Can and Shot It Off a Log

    And There was Grandma, Swingin' on the Outhouse Door, Without a Shirt On

    How Can I Miss You When You Won't Go Away?

    I'd Rather Pass a Kidney Stone than Another Night With You

    Why Do You Believe Me When I Tell You That I Love You When You Know I've Been A Liar All My Life?

    He's Been Drunk Since His Wife's Gone Punk

    You're the Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly

    I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You

    She Got The Gold Mine and I Got The Shaft

    Come Out of the Wheatfield Nelly, You're Going Against the Grain

    My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend And I Sure Do Miss Him

    I Changed Her Oil, She Changed My Life

    Drop Kick Me, Jesus, Through The Goalposts Of Life

    Thank God And Greyhound She's Gone

    Don't Chop Any Wood, Mother, I'm Comin' in With a Load

    If You Don't Leave Me Alone I'll Go And Find Someone Else Who Will

    She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger

    I've Got The Hungries For Your Love And I'm Waiting In Your Welfare Line

    Bubba Shot the Jukebox

    I Fell In A Pile Of You And Got Love All Over Me.

    There Ain't Enough Room in my Fruit of the Looms to Hold All My Lovin' for You

    Four on the Floor and a Fifth Under the Seat

    She Offered Her Honor, He Honored Her Offer, and All Through the Night it Was Honor and Offer

    Get Your Biscuits In The Oven And Your Buns In Bed

    My John Deere Was Breaking Your Field While Your Dear John Was Breaking My Heart

    Thanks To the Cathouse, I'm In The Doghouse With You

    How Can A Whiskey That's 6 Years Old Whup A Man That's 33?

    They May Put Me In Prison But They Can't Stop My Face From Breaking Out
     
  2. bearcarver

    bearcarver Smoking Guru OTBS Member

    LOL---I knew there was a lot of them like that, but I had no idea that many!

    Bear
     
  3. jc1947

    jc1947 Smoking Fanatic

    All number 1 hits I am sure LMAO

    JC1947
     
  4. tom c

    tom c Smoking Fanatic

    Someof the best.

    Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off  

    All My Exes Live in Texas

    She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy
     

    A new one not listed:

    There a bug in my tequila
     
  5. rstr hunter

    rstr hunter Smoking Fanatic

    Great post, I actually knew more than I thought I would.
     
  6. Not a CW band but a CW song style,  " A lap dance is allways better when the stripper is crying"
     

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