Discussion in 'Jokes' started by bearcarver, Oct 1, 2010.

  1. bearcarver

    bearcarver Smoking Guru OTBS Member

    "RETARDED" GRANDPARENTS                 
        Written by a third grader, on what his grandparents do.                
         After Christmas, a teacher asked her young pupils how they spent their holiday away from school. One child wrote the following:
                    We always used to spend the holidays with Grandma and Grandpa.  They used to live in a big brick house, but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Arizona .  Now they live in a tin box and have rocks painted green to look like grass.  They ride around on their bicycles, and wear name tags, because they don't know who they are anymore.  They go to a building called a wreck center, but they must have got it fixed because it is all okay now, they do exercises there, but they don't do them very well.  There is a swimming pool too, but they all jump up and down in it with hats on.  At their gate, there is a doll house with a little old man sitting in it.  He watches all day so nobody can escape.  Sometimes they sneak out, and go cruising in their golf carts.  Nobody there cooks, they just eat out.  And, they eat the same thing every night - early birds.   Some of the people can't get out past the man in the doll house.  The ones who do get out, bring food back to the wrecked center for pot luck.  My Grandma says that Grandpa worked all his life to earn his retardment and, says I should work hard so I can be retarded someday too.   When I earn my retardment, I want to be the man in the doll house.  Then I will let people out, so they can visit their grandchildren.

    Thought some of the older guys (like me) on here would enjoy this,

  2. scarbelly

    scarbelly Smoking Guru OTBS Member

    You talkin to me John?
  3. brokenwing

    brokenwing Meat Mopper SMF Premier Member

    Bear i can not stop laughing that is funny as can be!  I got to show that to my parents lmao.
  4. jirodriguez

    jirodriguez Master of the Pit OTBS Member SMF Premier Member

    LOL.. good one Bear! I just sent it to all the "old" folks I know... heh-heh.
  5. bearcarver

    bearcarver Smoking Guru OTBS Member

    LOL---I got it from my Brother----He's 4 years older than I am!
  6. chefrob

    chefrob Master of the Pit OTBS Member

    i've seen the green rocks...........
  7. squirrel

    squirrel Master of the Pit OTBS Member

    I guess that makes me semi-retarded! Reminds me of when my granddaughter was about 3 years old she spent the night and wanted to sleep with me. In the middle of the night I woke up only to see this child sitting up in the bed looking at me as if she had just witnessed a beheading. I heard her on the phone later with my daughter and she said "Nana sounds like daddy when she's sleeping". LOL! So there you have it, I snore like a man!
  8. pokey

    pokey Meat Mopper

    I was late for work once. I was tardy. Then I was late again. Now I'm retardy!
  9. bearcarver

    bearcarver Smoking Guru OTBS Member

    LOL---You're probably a cute little snorer.

    The other night I woke up to snoring in my bedroom! I shook the bed, because that usually causes my wife to change positions & stop snoring (works on me too). The wife says, "It's not me--I'm not even sleeping!"

    Here it was coming from under the bed----It was "Smokey", our kitty cat!

    First time I ever heard him snore. There he was, on his back, white belly toward the ceiling, sawing wood at 2 AM !

    My Lab used to really get it going too, but I'd just say, "Hey!", and that would stop.

  10. bearcarver

    bearcarver Smoking Guru OTBS Member

    I had two buddies in school named Todd.

    I called them "Todd" and "Re-Todd".

    Only one of them laughed!
  11. Todd and Re-Todd.....LOL.....Priceless! Makes me wish I had Friends named Todd.
  12. meateater

    meateater Smoking Guru SMF Premier Member

    I had two friends jim beer and don weed growing up. My parents asked me who were my best friends were and I said beer and weed. True story. [​IMG]
  13. bearcarver

    bearcarver Smoking Guru OTBS Member


    My Dad would have laughed.

    My Mother would have grumbled.
  14. jirodriguez

    jirodriguez Master of the Pit OTBS Member SMF Premier Member

    LOL... my wife hates it when she doesn't fall asleep before me and the dog start having a "who can snore the loudest" competition, the dog being our 165 lb. Bullmastiff/St. Bernard who sounds like a buldozer without a muffler.

    Todd & Re-Todd.... love that one! My wife and I crack up watching Larry the Cable Guy do his retarded impressions.... and she works as a Special Ed. teacher! lol. I keep threatening to tell her co-workers about it... heh-heh.
  15. bearcarver

    bearcarver Smoking Guru OTBS Member

    Actually I'm glad to hear about your wife Johnny,

    I hesitated to say a joke like this, because I really don't laugh at people who are retarded. I laugh at people who act retarded, when they aren't. Same thing with Italian, Pollock, and Blond jokes---They're all good people, and I love them all (especially the blonds---[​IMG]). 

    I'm PA Dutch, and to me one of the funniest ethnic jokes is about PA Dutchmen:

    A guy once told me they were going to get rid of all of the PA Dutchmen in my county.

    I asked him how they were going to do that.

    He said, "They're going to plant a dandelion in the middle of the PA Turnpike".

    You almost have to be a PA Dutchman to understand that one.

    The first guy to tell me what that joke means gets a "Thumbs Up" in his reply box!

  16. squirrel

    squirrel Master of the Pit OTBS Member

    Dandelion Salad? Isn't the dandy something like a delicacy to you guys?
    Last edited: Oct 1, 2010
    bearcarver likes this.
  17. bearcarver

    bearcarver Smoking Guru OTBS Member

    Boy that was quick!

    You got the point!

    It would get rid of all the PA Dutchmen, because people like my parents & grandparents would have all gotten run over on the TPK, while trying to get that dandelion to make salad to put their "Hot Bacon Dressing" on. Personally I love Hot Bacon Dressing, but I like it better on lettuce, so I would have survived to meet all you great people here on this forum!
  18. meateater

    meateater Smoking Guru SMF Premier Member

    I'm stumped on that one Bear. Johnny I have a pug that could outsnore your big dog. [​IMG]
  19. jirodriguez

    jirodriguez Master of the Pit OTBS Member SMF Premier Member

    .... lol... my wife is blond also, luckily she likes the blond jokes as well.


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