PONDERISMS
* I USED TO EAT A LOT OF NATURAL FOODS UNTIL I LEARNED THAT MOS T PEOPLE DIE OF NATURAL CAUSES.
* THERE ARE TWO KINDS OF PEDESTRIANS: THE QUICK AND THE DEAD.
* LIFE IS SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED.
* HEALTHY IS MERELY THE SLOWEST POSSIBLE RATE AT WHICH ONE CAN DIE.
* THE ONLY DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A RUT AND A GRAVE IS THE D EPTH.
* HEALTH NUTS ARE GOING TO FEEL STUPID SOMEDAY, LYING IN HOSPITALS DYING OF NOTHING.
* HAVE YOU NOTICED SINCE EVERYONE HAS A CAMCORDER THESE DAYS NOT ONE TALKS ABOUT SEEING UFO’S LIKE THEY USED TO?
* WHENEVER I FEEL BLUE, I START BREATHING AGAIN.
* ALL OF US COULD TAKE A LESSON FROM THE WEATHER. IT PAYS NO ATTENTION TO CRITICISM.
* IN THE 60’S, PEOPLE TOOK ACID TO MAKE THE WORLD WEIRD. NOW THE WORLD IS WEIRD AND PEOPLE TAKE PROZAC TO MAKE IT NORMAL.
* HOW IS IT ONE CARELESS MATCH CAN START A FOREST FIRE, BUT IT20TAKES A WHOLE BOX TO START A CAMPFIRE?
* WHO WAS THE FIRST PERSON TO LOOK AT A COW AND SAY, “I THINK I’LL SQUEEZE THESE DANGLY THINGS AND DRINK WHATEVER COMES OUT.” ?
* IF JIMMY CRACKS CORN AND NO ONE CARES, WHY IS THERE A SONG ABOUT HIM?
* IF QUIZZES ARE QUIZZICAL, WHAT ARE TESTS?
* IF CORN OIL IS MADE FROM CORN, AND VEGETABLE OIL IS MADE FROM VEGETABLES, THEN WHAT IS BABY OIL MADE FROM?
* DO ILLITERATE PEOPLE GET THE FULL EFFECT OF ALPHABET SOUP?
* DOES PUSHING THE ELEVATOR BUTTON MORE THAN ONCE MAKE IT ARRIVE FASTER?
* WHY DOESN’T GLUE STICK INSIDE OF THE BOTTLE?
* I USED TO EAT A LOT OF NATURAL FOODS UNTIL I LEARNED THAT MOS T PEOPLE DIE OF NATURAL CAUSES.
* THERE ARE TWO KINDS OF PEDESTRIANS: THE QUICK AND THE DEAD.
* LIFE IS SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED.
* HEALTHY IS MERELY THE SLOWEST POSSIBLE RATE AT WHICH ONE CAN DIE.
* THE ONLY DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A RUT AND A GRAVE IS THE D EPTH.
* HEALTH NUTS ARE GOING TO FEEL STUPID SOMEDAY, LYING IN HOSPITALS DYING OF NOTHING.
* HAVE YOU NOTICED SINCE EVERYONE HAS A CAMCORDER THESE DAYS NOT ONE TALKS ABOUT SEEING UFO’S LIKE THEY USED TO?
* WHENEVER I FEEL BLUE, I START BREATHING AGAIN.
* ALL OF US COULD TAKE A LESSON FROM THE WEATHER. IT PAYS NO ATTENTION TO CRITICISM.
* IN THE 60’S, PEOPLE TOOK ACID TO MAKE THE WORLD WEIRD. NOW THE WORLD IS WEIRD AND PEOPLE TAKE PROZAC TO MAKE IT NORMAL.
* HOW IS IT ONE CARELESS MATCH CAN START A FOREST FIRE, BUT IT20TAKES A WHOLE BOX TO START A CAMPFIRE?
* WHO WAS THE FIRST PERSON TO LOOK AT A COW AND SAY, “I THINK I’LL SQUEEZE THESE DANGLY THINGS AND DRINK WHATEVER COMES OUT.” ?
* IF JIMMY CRACKS CORN AND NO ONE CARES, WHY IS THERE A SONG ABOUT HIM?
* IF QUIZZES ARE QUIZZICAL, WHAT ARE TESTS?
* IF CORN OIL IS MADE FROM CORN, AND VEGETABLE OIL IS MADE FROM VEGETABLES, THEN WHAT IS BABY OIL MADE FROM?
* DO ILLITERATE PEOPLE GET THE FULL EFFECT OF ALPHABET SOUP?
* DOES PUSHING THE ELEVATOR BUTTON MORE THAN ONCE MAKE IT ARRIVE FASTER?
* WHY DOESN’T GLUE STICK INSIDE OF THE BOTTLE?
