ponderisms

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by got14u, Oct 2, 2009.

  1. got14u

    got14u Master of the Pit OTBS Member SMF Premier Member

    PONDERISMS

    * I USED TO EAT A LOT OF NATURAL FOODS UNTIL I LEARNED THAT MOS T PEOPLE DIE OF NATURAL CAUSES.

    * THERE ARE TWO KINDS OF PEDESTRIANS: THE QUICK AND THE DEAD.

    * LIFE IS SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED.

    * HEALTHY IS MERELY THE SLOWEST POSSIBLE RATE AT WHICH ONE CAN DIE.

    * THE ONLY DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A RUT AND A GRAVE IS THE D EPTH.

    * HEALTH NUTS ARE GOING TO FEEL STUPID SOMEDAY, LYING IN HOSPITALS DYING OF NOTHING.

    * HAVE YOU NOTICED SINCE EVERYONE HAS A CAMCORDER THESE DAYS NOT ONE TALKS ABOUT SEEING UFO’S LIKE THEY USED TO?

    * WHENEVER I FEEL BLUE, I START BREATHING AGAIN.

    * ALL OF US COULD TAKE A LESSON FROM THE WEATHER. IT PAYS NO ATTENTION TO CRITICISM.

    * IN THE 60’S, PEOPLE TOOK ACID TO MAKE THE WORLD WEIRD. NOW THE WORLD IS WEIRD AND PEOPLE TAKE PROZAC TO MAKE IT NORMAL.

    * HOW IS IT ONE CARELESS MATCH CAN START A FOREST FIRE, BUT IT20TAKES A WHOLE BOX TO START A CAMPFIRE?

    * WHO WAS THE FIRST PERSON TO LOOK AT A COW AND SAY, “I THINK I’LL SQUEEZE THESE DANGLY THINGS AND DRINK WHATEVER COMES OUT.” ?

    * IF JIMMY CRACKS CORN AND NO ONE CARES, WHY IS THERE A SONG ABOUT HIM?

    * IF QUIZZES ARE QUIZZICAL, WHAT ARE TESTS?

    * IF CORN OIL IS MADE FROM CORN, AND VEGETABLE OIL IS MADE FROM VEGETABLES, THEN WHAT IS BABY OIL MADE FROM?

    * DO ILLITERATE PEOPLE GET THE FULL EFFECT OF ALPHABET SOUP?

    * DOES PUSHING THE ELEVATOR BUTTON MORE THAN ONCE MAKE IT ARRIVE FASTER?

    * WHY DOESN’T GLUE STICK INSIDE OF THE BOTTLE?
     

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