Forrest goes to Heaven

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by linescum, May 4, 2008.

  1. linescum

    linescum Smoking Fanatic OTBS Member SMF Premier Member

    FORREST GUMP GOES TO HEAVEN








    The day finally arrived.
    Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven.
    He is at the Pearly Gates, met by St. Peter himself. However, the
    gates are
    closed, and
    Forrest approaches the gatekeeper.
    St. Peter said,
    'Well, Forrest, it is certainly good to see you.
    We have heard a lot about you.
    I must tell you, though, that the place is filling up fast, and we have
    been
    administering an entrance examination
    for everyone.
    The test is short, but you have to pass it
    before you can get into Heaven.'
    Forrest responds,
    'It sure is good to be here, St. Peter, sir.
    But, nobody ever told me about any entrance exam.
    I sure hope that the test ain't too hard.
    Life was a big enough test as it was.'
    St. Peter continued,
    'Yes, I know, Forrest, but the test is only three questions.

    First:
    What two days of the week begin with the letter T?
    Second:
    How many seconds are there in a year?
    Third:
    What is God's first name?'



    Forrest leaves to think the questions over.
    He returns the next day and
    sees St. Peter,
    who waves him up, and says,
    'Now that you have had a chance to think
    the questions over, tell me your answers'
    Forrest replied,
    'Well, the first one --
    which two days in the week begins with the letter 'T'?
    Shucks, that one is easy.
    That would be Today and Tomorrow.'
    The Saint's eyes opened wide and
    he exclaimed,
    'Forrest, that is not what I was thinking, but
    you do have a point, and
    I guess I did not specify, so
    I will give you credit for that answer.'
    'How about the next one?' asked St. Peter
    'How many seconds in a year?
    Now that one is harder,' replied Forrest, but
    I thunk and thunk about that, and
    I guess the only answer can be twelve.'
    Astounded, St. Peter said,
    'Twelve? Twelve?
    Forrest, how in Heaven's name could you come up with twelve seconds in
    a year?'
    Forrest replied,
    'Shucks, there's got to be twelve:
    January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd ... '
    'Hold it,' interrupts St. Peter.
    'I see where you are going with this, and
    I see your point,
    though that was not quite what I had in mind ... but
    I will have to give you credit for that one, too.
    Let us go on with the third and final question.
    Can you tell me God's first name'?
    'Sure,' Forrest replied,
    'it's Andy.'
    'Andy?'
    exclaimed an exasperated and frustrated St Peter.
    'Ok, I can understand how you
    came up with your answers to my first two questions, but just how in
    the world did
    you come up with the name
    Andy as the first name of God?'
    'Shucks, that was the easiest one of all,'
    Forrest replied.
    'I learnt it from the song,
    'ANDY WALKS WITH ME,
    ANDY TALKS WITH ME,
    ANDY TELLS ME I AM HIS OWN.' '
    St. Peter opened the Pearly Gates, and said:
    'Run Forrest, run!'
     
  2. travcoman45

    travcoman45 Master of the Pit OTBS Member

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