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I am from the Government

post #1 of 3
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One day an old time farmer is out working his fields and tending to the cattle. The old farmer was grumbling about how tired he was and upset his kids weren't too excited about taking the farm over when he goes away. Mostly he was just a little frustrated with the same old work 7 days a week with not much changing, or exciting and not a lot to smile about.

So he is, its 10AM and the work is in progress when he hears someone yelling. "Hey there anybody around here? Hello". He hears this person over and over. Rather than yelling back, he just let them man yell and goes ahead and walks around the barn, of course his old double shotgun is right in his arms. As he rounds the corner he see's a man wearing an expensive suit standing next to a shiny new looking car with nice country mud splattered all over the side of it.

The man is startled and yells at the farmer to get rid of the shotgun. He says he is a Special Agent from the U.S. Dept. of Agriculture and he is there to inspect the farm and books to make sure the the government program funds are being used properly. So the old farmer stands there staring him down and asks for some identification, which the suit promptly provides.

Well the farmer says thats "a hell of a job you got, glad its not my job". Well they head on into the kitchen and look over the books. Special agent tells the old farmer everything looks good, too good. Tells him he is suspicious and wants to go look in the barns, check the ruby red tank level and then go inspect the 3 wells. The old timer tells them man if he has that kind of time to waste that he wished he had some time to waste. So off they go on into the barn and the agent couldn't find a problem. All the tractors were there and implements also. Well they walk out to the fuel tank and the agent says mister, "can you unlock the tank so I can get a small sample". So he unlocks the tank and the agent pulls a small bottle out to get a sample. Nothing happens. The agent looks up and says "nothings coming out, the records say you should have 75 gallons in here". So the old farmer says, "well its a long hose sometimes it takes a second or two to get to the nozzle". So the agent tries it again and nothings happening. He just stands there with his ear kind of close to the nozzle and looks up at the farmer in disgust. Farmer says oh yea, " I am getting old Mr. Agent, I forgot to open up the vent valve. Fuel won't flow with this here valve closed". So he climbs up, body joints just a poppin' and a crackin' away. Opens the valve and the agent nearly gets an earful of sweet Ruby Red. He got his sample and shot the farmer one of his I mean business looks. The old farmer had a little chuckle, and realized thats about the first time he smiled in over a month. Well the agent decided the fuel looked good.

The agent says "I was going to stop at this point, but since everything looks to squeaky clean and you thought all that with the fuel is funny I am going to inspect them wells. So they go about setting off in the farmers pickup truck to inspect the wells. They got through with the first 2 and headed up by the barn. The agent was satisfied with the 2 wells and realizes that farmer has better things to do. He says, "I really need to see the third well". The farmer just looks at him in disgust and says "well, it would be right over there in the 110 acre field about half way down there in a clump of tree's, but I would prefer you didn't". The agent looks over at the field and thinks the field looks empty enough to him, just an empty pasture. He turns t the farmer and shows him this card and says "Hey Mr. Farmer, you see this card? This is my official go anywhere card. It tells everyone I have a right and responsibility to go anywhere on any farm anytime and inspect every square inch and every piece of equipment. If you interfere then I can lock you up". So the old farmer says "fine, enjoy yourself. I have chores to get to and you wasted 3 hours of my time already".

The old farmer telling him to be sure to close any gates behind him he comes across and to have a nice walk. The agent thinks something must be up because up to this point the old farmer had been polite and cordial. However, he was a little upset about having to walk halfway through a 110 acre field. SO they part their ways. The agent sets off walking and the old farmer goes back to working on the hay baler.

Suddenly he hears someone yelling again and gets upset and throws his tools down. He walks back around the barn and sees the government agent running and screaming for his life, Briefacase in one hand flying all over the place and a jar of ruby red in the other. Just a runnin' as fast as possible. Then back behind him he see's his prize bull not too far away and gaining ground. The farmer yells out as loud as he can "Show him your special card, show him your card'. He then sits down and just smiles. Maybe he'll keep the farm forever.
post #2 of 3
Thats good!
post #3 of 3
Thats funny........................I seen that one coming...............LOL........
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