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This is a very serious issue. After considerable research it has been determined by the American Medical Association that there is only one real solution.
The AMA strongly recommends that you send your next smoking results to me, for evaluation and review. I know this is a big sacrifice because traditionally the item is structurally altered during testing and rarely in a condition suitable for return. On a further note, our research has shown that even when returned, it is never of benefit to it's original owner.
One possible use is to place the altered item in a paper bag, light the bag on fire and toss it on a mean neighbors porch, on Halloween night. This has been found to provide long lasting consolation to the originasl owner.
I know it is a considerable sacrifice, but then, it is your small contribution to medical science.
Please contact me when you are ready to proceed.
