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mafia joke

post #1 of 2
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Guido went to the Godfather one day and asked if job could be found for his nephew who was due to arrive from Sicily.

"No problem," said the boss.

"You should know ahead of time that the boy is deaf and dumb, though," said Guido.

"That's okay," said the Capo, "We'll give him a job as a bagman and he won't need to talk."

The boy had been working for about six months picking up numbers game receipts when the don called Guido into his office. Obviously very angry, he said, "That little scumbag nephew of yours has been skimming from the collections. I figure he's stolen about $500,000 by now and I want it back, right now!"

Guido found his nephew downstairs, and in sign language, told the boy, "The Godfather is very upset with you and wants to see us both right away." Shrugging his shoulders, the boy followed his uncle to the boss's office. They sat down across the desk from the boss and Guido signed to the lad, "The Godfather wants to know where the money is that you stole from him."

The boy shrugged his shoulders as if he knew nothing about it. With that, the don pulled a .357 magnum from the drawer, pointed it at the boy's head, and bellowed, "Tell that little puke he's got ten seconds to tell you where that money is or I'll blow his head off."

The boy's eyes widened with terror at the sight of the gun and he quickly signed to his uncle, "I stashed the money under the basement stairs at your house."

"Well?" the boss demanded, "What did that little ingrate have to say?"

Guido replied, "He says he doesn't think you have the guts to pull the trigger."
post #2 of 2

The FBI had an opening for an assassin. After all the background
checks, interviews and testing were done there were 3 finalists. Two men
and a woman.

For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large
metal door and handed him a gun.

"We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what
the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in
a chair.

Kill Her!!!"

"The man said, "You can't be serious, I could never shoot my wife"

The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job.

Take your wife and go home."

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and
went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came
out with tears in his eyes, "I tried, but I can't kill my wife."

The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go

Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions,
to kill her husband.

She took the gun and went into the room.

Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing,
banging on the walls.

After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there
stood the woman, She wiped the sweat from her brow.

"This gun is loaded with blanks" she said.

"I had to beat him to death with the chair."

MORAL : Dont send a man in to do a woman's job....
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