A lovely young lady was speeding along the back roads in her new BMW Z4 convertible, one afternoon when suddenly she hears a lod siren and looks up to see the flashing lights of a podunk county sheriff bearing down on her...
Once pulled off safley on the shoulder, she looks in her mirror and sees a frumpy red-faced country cop exit his patrol car, hitch up his pants, and strut towards her car with that familiar cocksure swagger that we all know...
"Young lady," he sneers. "Where in the Sam Hill do you think your going at such a Godawful speed?"
"I'm very sorry," replies the young lady. "I am very late for a very important appointment."
The officer then asks, " What could you do that's so all fired up important as to allow you to break the law in MY County?"
"Well, you see, sir" she says, "I am a professional rectum stretcher."
"A wha?..rectum stretcher...How in the Sam Hill does that work?" he stammers.
"It's pretty basic, really. I start first by inserting one finger...then two...three...working gradually until I can fit my whole fist in there. After carefully kneading and relaxing the area, I work in my other hand. If I've done my job carefully, I can usually stretch the opening to around five or six feet."
"Well Holy buckets!" the shocked officer says. " What in the hell do you do with a six foot @$$hole?!?"
"Me?" the woman retorts. "Well, I think I'd give him a badge, park him under a bridge and show him how to use a radar gun!!!"
Cheers,
Brian
Once pulled off safley on the shoulder, she looks in her mirror and sees a frumpy red-faced country cop exit his patrol car, hitch up his pants, and strut towards her car with that familiar cocksure swagger that we all know...
"Young lady," he sneers. "Where in the Sam Hill do you think your going at such a Godawful speed?"
"I'm very sorry," replies the young lady. "I am very late for a very important appointment."
The officer then asks, " What could you do that's so all fired up important as to allow you to break the law in MY County?"
"Well, you see, sir" she says, "I am a professional rectum stretcher."
"A wha?..rectum stretcher...How in the Sam Hill does that work?" he stammers.
"It's pretty basic, really. I start first by inserting one finger...then two...three...working gradually until I can fit my whole fist in there. After carefully kneading and relaxing the area, I work in my other hand. If I've done my job carefully, I can usually stretch the opening to around five or six feet."
"Well Holy buckets!" the shocked officer says. " What in the hell do you do with a six foot @$$hole?!?"
"Me?" the woman retorts. "Well, I think I'd give him a badge, park him under a bridge and show him how to use a radar gun!!!"
Cheers,
Brian
