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post #1 of 2
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>> The 1st Affair


>> A married man was having an affair

>> with his secretary.

>> One day they went to her place

>> and made love all afternoon.

>> Exhausted, they fell asleep

> and woke up at 8 PM .

>> The man hurriedly dressed

>> and told his lover to take his shoes

>> outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.

>> He put on his shoes and drove home.

>> 'Where have you been?' his wife demanded.

>> 'I can't lie to you,' he replied,

> 'I'm having an affair with my secretary.

>> We had sex all afternoon.'

>> She looked down at his shoes and said:

>> 'You lying bastard!

>> You've been playing golf!'


>> The 2nd Affair


>> A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked

>> abou t having a son.

>> They decided to try one last time

>> for the son they always wanted.

>> The wife got pregnant

>> and delivered a healthy baby boy.

>> The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son.

>> He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.

>> He told his wife: 'There's no way I can be the father of this baby.

>> Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered!

>> Have you been fooling around behind my back?'

>> The wife smiled sweetly and replied:

>> 'Not this time!'


>> The 3rd Affair


>> A mortician was working late one night.

>> He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, about to be cremated, and made

>> a startling discovery.

>> Schwartz had the largest private part he had ever seen!

>> 'I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz,' the mortician commented, 'I can't allow you

>> to be cremated with such an impressive private part.

>> It must be saved for posterity.'

>> So, he removed it,

>> stuffed it into his briefcase,

>> and took it home

>> 'I have something to show

>> you won't believe,' he said to his wife, opening his briefcase.

>> 'My God!' the wife exclaimed,

>> 'Schwartz is dead!'


>> The 4th Affair


>> A woman was in bed with her lover

>> when she heard her husband

>> opening the front door.

>> 'Hurry,' she said, 'stand in the corner.'

>> She rubbed baby oil all over him,

>> then dusted him with talcum powder.

>> 'Don't move until I tell you,'

>> she said, 'pretend you're a statue.'

>> 'What's this?' the husband inquired

>> as he entered the room.

>> 'Oh it's a stat ue,' she replied,

>> 'the Smiths bought one and I liked it so I got one for us, too.'

>> No more was said,

>> not even when they went to bed.

>> Around 2 AM the husband got up,

>> went to the kitchen and returned

>> with a sandwich and a beer.

>> 'Here,' he said to the statue, have this.

>> I stood like that for two days at the Smiths and nobody offered me a

>> damned thing.'


>> The 5th Affair


>> A man walked into a cafe,

>> went to the bar and ordered a beer.

>> 'Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent.'

>> 'One Cent?' the man exclaimed.

>> He glanced at the menu and asked:

>> 'How much for a nice juicy steak

>> and a bottle of wine?'

>> 'A nickel,' the barman replied.

>> 'A nickel?' exclaimed the man.

>> 'Where's the guy who owns this place?'

>> The bartende r replied:

>> 'Upstairs, with my wife.'

>> The man asked: 'What's he doing upstairs with your wife?'

>> The bartender replied:

>> 'The same thing I'm doing

>> to his business down here.'


>> The 6th Affair


>> Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.

>> He looked up and said weakly:

>> 'I have something I must confess.'

>> 'There's no need to, 'his wife replied.

>> 'No,' he insisted,

>> 'I want to die in peace.

>> I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your

>> mother!'

>> 'I know,' she replied,

>> 'now just rest and let the poison work.'
post #2 of 2
good ones hehehe
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