or Connect
SmokingMeatForums.com › Forums › Just for Fun › Jokes › Why we love children
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

Why we love children

post #1 of 7
Thread Starter 
a kindergartener pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat but it was dead. How'd you know the cat was dead? She asked him. Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move, answered the child innocently. You did what!! the teacher exclaimed in surprise. You know, explain the boy, I leaned over and went, Pssst!, and it didn't move .

a little girl goes to the barber shop with her father. She stands next to the barber chair while her Dad gets his hair cut, eating a snack cake. The barber says to her, sweetheart, your going to get hair on your twinkie, she says yes, I know, and I'm gonna get boobs too.

one summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, mommy, will you sleep with me tonight? The mother smiled and said, I can't honey, I have to sleep in Daddy's room. A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice," The big sissy"

it was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children's sermon. All the children were invited to come forward. One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said, that is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter dress? The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip on microphone, yes, and my mom says it's a bitch to iron.

When I was six months pregnant, with my third child, my 3 year old came into the room as I was preparing to get into the shower. She said, mommy, you're getting fat! I replied, yes honey, remember Mama has a baby growing in her tummy. I know, she replied, but what's growing in your butt!

One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part where chicken Little warns the former. She read, and chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, the sky is falling ! The teacher then asked the class, and what do you think that former said? One little girl raised her hand and said, Holy ****, a talking chicken!! the teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
post #2 of 7
Those are great - sometimes life is funnier when we hear it from a child.
post #3 of 7
Kids are cute
post #4 of 7
Thread Starter 

found another one

My little guy, Cade is quite a talker. H loves to communicate and does it quite well. He talks to people constantly, whether were in the library, the grocery store or at a drive-through window. People often comment on how clearly he speaks for a just turned 3 year-old. And you never have to ask him to turn up the volume, it's always fully cranked. there have been several embarrassing times that I've wished the meaning of his words would have been masked by a not so audible voice, but never have I wish this more than last week at Costco. Halfway through our shopping trip, nature called, so I took cade with me into the restroom. If you had been one of the ladies in the restroom that evening, this is what you would have heard it coming from the second to the last stall. Mommy, are you gonna go potty? Oh! Why are you putting toiwet paper on the potty mommy? Oh! You're gonna sit down on da toiwet paper now, mommy, what are you doing? mommy, are you gonna go stinkies on the potty? At this point I started mentally counting how many women had been in the bathroom when I walked in. Several stalls were full, 4? 5? maybe we could wait until they all left before I had to make my debut out of the stall and reveal my identity. Cade continued, mommy, you ARE going stinkies, arent you? Oh, dats a good girl mommy, you are gonna get some candy! I heard a few faint chuckles coming from the stalls on either side of me. Where is a screaming new born when you need her? Good grief. This was really getting embarrassing. I was definitely waiting a long time before exiting. trying to divert him, I said, why don't you look in mommy's purse and see if you can find some candy? no, I'm trying to see doze more stinkies. Oh mommy! He started to gag at this point. Uh..oh mommy, I fink I'm gonna frow up! mommy, doze stinkies are making me frow up! Dat is so gross! as the gags became louder, so did the chuckles outside my stall. I quickly flushed the toilet in hopes of changing the subject. I begin to reason with myself, OK, there are four other toilets, if I count four flushes, I can be reasonably assured that those who over heard this embarrassing monologue will be long gone. mommy, would you get off the pot now? I want you to be done going stinkies. get up! GET UP! I bent down to count the feet outside my door. Oh, are you wooking under dere mommy? You wooking under da door? What were you wooking at mommy? You wooking at the wadys feet? More laughter. I stood inside the locked door and tried to assess the situation. Mommy, it's time to wash our hands now. We have to go out now mommy. He started pounding on the door. Mommy, don't you want to wash your hands? I saw that my "wait em out" plan was unraveling. As I sheepishly opened the door, and found an open sink, I thought, where is the fine print on the motherhood contract where I signed away every bit of my privacy?
post #5 of 7
those were funny as hell. my wife and i were laughing our asses off.
post #6 of 7
totally great... we had lil' miss aimee cat( my newbie) @ the grandfather mountain highland games this wkend & i took her right to the stage of some friends ( http://www.albannachonline.com) the lil' rat fell quite asleep (colic & all) to celtic drums & the misfits dancing all around...but then i used to fall asleep to 1/4 mile roundy track stock cars....people looking @ me carzy caue i'm up front to celtic drum music but thats what soothes the girl...that & bob marley, selena, & jim croce....
post #7 of 7
Good ones BigarmPDT_Armataz_01_37.gif
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: Jokes
SmokingMeatForums.com › Forums › Just for Fun › Jokes › Why we love children