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Non-Charcoal Guide to Grilling

post #1 of 2
Thread Starter 

Credit to SteveH on another website:  :77:

 

Since my wife has declared herself to be anti-charcoal, I cooked some burgers and dogs on my piece of garbage brinkwomann grill this weekend.
Here is my recipe:

 

  • 1lb hamburger meat, lowest quality possible since you're ruining it anyways
  • cheap off-brand hotdots to better absorb the taste of failure
  • chinese cheese slices (since gas grills are un-American)
  • 3 tsp of your own tears



Steps:

 

  1. Rub the rust off of your crappy gas grill
  2. Put all 7 pounds of rust in a bucket to haul off for scrap
  3. sculpt that meat into something resembling patties, without washing your hands
  4. Turn your grill knobs to somewhere between 'hotter than the blazes of hell' and 'colder than your wife's heart'
  5. Accept that there is no in-between with this horrendous contraption
  6. Use a lighter to light it since your grill is a piece of crap
  7. Glance mournfully at your weber kettle grill, cast off to the corner of the deck
  8. check the lid thermometer to make sure that it is still a worthless piece of crap
  9. put the food on, try to avoid the hot spots and cold spots that comprise 98% of the cooking surface
  10. tell your drum smoker that you're so sorry for neglecting it
  11. cook your crappy food until it is charred in a passive-aggressive attempt to change your wife's mind
  12. season generously with your tears of failure as a man
  13. plate the food. garnish with some grass clippings, since it is now more suitable for animal consumption

 

 

:drool:

 

:icon_lol:

post #2 of 2
Now I thought my dad just didn't know how to grill all these years maybe he can!
Never mind he eats carbonized food and likes it!
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