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How to cook brisket completely wrong in 20 easy steps....

I'm pretty sure I've made every error you can in today's smoke...

Step 1:  Wake up around 7:30am with massive hangover from last night hungry for brisket

Step 2:  Go to usual butcher shop for brisket...  no good, they don't have any brisket left at 8:30am?  Apparently everyone else was hungry for brisket too?

Step 3:  Plan B...  Go to Walmart.  One piece of brisket (14# packer).  BUT... it's "today's special" because it's out of date tomorrow.  Still clouded from the beer...  I decide what the hell...  Let's do it!

Step 4:  Come back to the truck and realize the dog put her paw through the screen of my phone on the console of the truck

Step 5:  Get home, realize that packer cut won't fit into my crappy Masterforge Charcoal Vertical

Step 5a:  Consider going to Smokey Bones for lunch...

Step 6:  Realize that I don't have much beef rub left.  Definitely not enough for 14# of beef

Step 6a:  Still thinking about going to Smokey Bones

Step 7:  Throw together some left over spices from other projects into a shaker

Step 8:  Hangover kicking into full force now....  reconsider trimming any fat off the brisket.

Step 9:  Trim off way less fat than usual; instead of separating point from flat, I just cut it in half to fit on the POS smoker...

Step 10:  Start smoker....

Step 11:  Smoker cruising at 250... throw two hunks of meat on the grates; crack open a beer but forgot where I put it

Step 12:  Cruising along good at 230 for 3 hours... THEN...

Step 13:  Massive spike to 400...  stays there for 2 hours

Step 14:  Figure forget it....  this is shot, the dogs will eat good..  BUT thought I'll put the probe in.   Meat = 140 degrees

Step 15:  Meat seems forgiving...  figure let it go at this point

Step 15a:  Refer back to #6.... open first (sixth) beer.  Jump ahead to 16.... 7 beer cans in the recycling bin

Step 16:  Massive downpour....  oh well it cooled the smoker down...

Step 17:  Meat at 170, foiled and in a pan

Step 18:  Sister in Law (vegan...) shows up...  tease her with cut off fat pieces of brisket

Step 19:  SIL still here.... flat in the cooler, point cubed and back on the cooker for burnt ends

Step 20:  Everything done...  Qview coming as soon as I can see the screen on my phone (refer to step #4)

This was honestly the worst cook I've had in a while.  Temp's way too high, not enough rub, completely inconsistent heat... and it still turned out to be one of the best briskets I've cooked!

I guess it's true...  even a blind squirrel finds a nut once in a while...

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Nice story

Tray of burnt ends. Couple sips of the "clear" and everything is right again.

Nice! good recovery!

For both the beef.... and me!
Step 21: SIL leaves... with a gallon size bag of burnt ends and slices "for the kids"....

I got a chuckle out of this.  Those burnt ends actually look pretty good.

Yup. Shine... some guy I know picked it up when it fell off a truck.

But really... it's real good stuff high-test, but super smooth
Quote:
Originally Posted by tjs231

Tray of burnt ends. Couple sips of the "clear" and everything is right again.

Those look great!

Quote:
Originally Posted by tjs231

Yup. Shine... some guy I know picked it up when it fell off a truck.

But really... it's real good stuff high-test, but super smooth

The real deal, eh?

I've only had it twice, but I sure remember it.

Now if a doctor would have checked your blood pressure today he would have blamed it on the shine when really it was all the little misfortunes that happened to you today.

Exactly! I like to think the shine mitigates not aggravates my BP!
Was enjoying the burnt ends so much... forgot about a money shot of the flat.
And... sliced.
The full Monty...

That was quite a day...but sliced brisket at the end of the day and teasing a vegan....priceless...

Gig 'Em Aggies...BTHO SMU...

Richjt92

Great post. Been there.

Outstanding story and chow.  Moved to Nashville recently and a co worker gave some of his shine on Friday.  Might need to save it for my next smoke.

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