I'm pretty sure I've made every error you can in today's smoke...
Step 1: Wake up around 7:30am with massive hangover from last night hungry for brisket
Step 2: Go to usual butcher shop for brisket... no good, they don't have any brisket left at 8:30am? Apparently everyone else was hungry for brisket too?
Step 3: Plan B... Go to Walmart. One piece of brisket (14# packer). BUT... it's "today's special" because it's out of date tomorrow. Still clouded from the beer... I decide what the hell... Let's do it!
Step 4: Come back to the truck and realize the dog put her paw through the screen of my phone on the console of the truck
Step 5: Get home, realize that packer cut won't fit into my crappy Masterforge Charcoal Vertical
Step 5a: Consider going to Smokey Bones for lunch...
Step 6: Realize that I don't have much beef rub left. Definitely not enough for 14# of beef
Step 6a: Still thinking about going to Smokey Bones
Step 7: Throw together some left over spices from other projects into a shaker
Step 8: Hangover kicking into full force now.... reconsider trimming any fat off the brisket.
Step 9: Trim off way less fat than usual; instead of separating point from flat, I just cut it in half to fit on the POS smoker...
Step 10: Start smoker....
Step 11: Smoker cruising at 250... throw two hunks of meat on the grates; crack open a beer but forgot where I put it
Step 12: Cruising along good at 230 for 3 hours... THEN...
Step 13: Massive spike to 400... stays there for 2 hours
Step 14: Figure forget it.... this is shot, the dogs will eat good.. BUT thought I'll put the probe in. Meat = 140 degrees
Step 15: Meat seems forgiving... figure let it go at this point
Step 15a: Refer back to #6.... open first (sixth) beer. Jump ahead to 16.... 7 beer cans in the recycling bin
Step 16: Massive downpour.... oh well it cooled the smoker down...
Step 17: Meat at 170, foiled and in a pan
Step 18: Sister in Law (vegan...) shows up... tease her with cut off fat pieces of brisket
Step 19: SIL still here.... flat in the cooler, point cubed and back on the cooker for burnt ends
Step 20: Everything done... Qview coming as soon as I can see the screen on my phone (refer to step #4)
This was honestly the worst cook I've had in a while. Temp's way too high, not enough rub, completely inconsistent heat... and it still turned out to be one of the best briskets I've cooked!
I guess it's true... even a blind squirrel finds a nut once in a while...