Discussion in 'Jokes' started by daveomak, Dec 22, 2011.

  1. daveomak

    daveomak Smoking Guru OTBS Member SMF Premier Member

    > What do you expect from such simple creatures?
    > Your last name stays put.
    > The garage is all yours.
    > Wedding plans take care of themselves.
    > Chocolate is just another snack...
    > You can be President.
    > You can never be pregnant.
    > You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
    > You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
    > Car mechanics tell you the truth.
    > The world is your urinal.
    > You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one
    > is just too icky.
    > You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
    > Wrinkles add character.
    > Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.
    > People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
    > New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
    > One mood all the time.
    > Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
    > You know stuff about tanks.
    > A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
    > You can open all your own jars.
    > You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
    > If someone forgets to invite you,
    > He or she can still be your friend.
    > Your underwear is $9.95 for a three-pack.
    > Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
    > You almost never have strap problems in public.
    > You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes..
    > Everything on your face stays its original color.
    > The same hairstyle lasts for years, even decades.
    > You only have to shave your face and neck.
    > You can play with toys all your life.
    > One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons.
    > You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
    > You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.
    > You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
    > You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives On December 24 in 25
    > minutes.
    > ___________________________________
    > If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other
    > Laura, Kate and Sarah. If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will
    > affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba and Wildman.
    > When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even
    > though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and
    > none will actually admit they want change back.
    > When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
    > MONEY
    > A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
    > A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on
    > sale.
    > A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving
    > cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.
    > The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A
    > man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.
    > A woman has the last word in any argument.
    > Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
    > FUTURE
    > A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
    > A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
    > A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
    > A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.
    > A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash,
    > answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
    > A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
    > Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
    > Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
    > A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people
    > remembering the same thing!
    > SO, send this to the women who have a sense of humor and who can handle
    > it .... and to the men who will enjoy reading it
  2. tjoff

    tjoff Smoke Blower

    Hilarious and so true.  I read the to my wife while she was working in the kitchen and she was laughing pretty good.
  3. sprky

    sprky Master of the Pit OTBS Member

    [​IMG]  I love the bathroom 1.
  4. miamirick

    miamirick Master of the Pit OTBS Member SMF Premier Member

    thats great,   a good read to start the morning
  5. dpeart

    dpeart Smoke Blower

    The whole family had a good laugh!
  6. africanmeat

    africanmeat Master of the Pit OTBS Member

    Dave It is a good one my wife said that is very funny.

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