Well Crafted Repartees

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by the iceman, Aug 22, 2009.

  1. the iceman

    the iceman Smoking Fanatic

    Sadly, we are losing the art of the well-crafted repartee.

    Here are some examples of classic repartees from times gone by:

    He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."
    -- Winston Churchill

    "A modest little person, with much to be modest about."
    -- Winston Churchill

    "I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."
    -- Clarence Darrow

    "He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."
    -- William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)

    "Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?"
    -- Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)

    "Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it."
    -- Moses Hadas

    "He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know."
    -- Abraham Lincoln

    "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."
    -- Groucho Marx

    "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."
    -- Mark Twain

    "He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends."
    -- Oscar Wilde

    "I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend.... If you have one."
    -- George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

    "Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... If there is one."
    -- Winston Churchill, in response.

    "I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here."
    -- Stephen Bishop

    "He is a self-made man and worships his creator."
    -- John Bright

    "I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial."
    -- Irvin S. Cobb

    "He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others."
    -- Samuel Johnson

    "He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up."
    -- Paul Keating

    "He had delusions of adequacy."
    -- Walter Kerr

    "There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure."
    -- Jack E. Leonard

    "He has the attention span of a lightning bolt."
    -- Robert Redford

    "They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge."
    -- Thomas Brackett Reed

    "He inherited some good instincts from his Quaker forebears, but by diligent hard work, he overcame them."
    -- James Reston (about Richard Nixon)

    "He loves nature in spite of what it did to him."
    -- Forrest Tucker

    "Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?"
    -- Mark Twain

    "His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."
    -- Mae West

    "Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go."
    -- Oscar Wilde

    "He has Van Gogh's ear for music."
    -- Billy Wilder

    "He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... For support rather than illumination."
    -- -- Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

  2. gnubee

    gnubee Master of the Pit OTBS Member SMF Premier Member

    This is One of the very best.

    Bentsen to Dan Quale: Senator, I served with Jack Kennedy: I knew Jack Kennedy; Jack Kennedy was a friend of mine. Senator, you're no Jack Kennedy

    Reviewer of Broadway play Cleopatra: Cleopatra barged down the Nile last night and sank.

    From Hagar the horrible : Knight Rodney shouts a warning to the King, The Peasants are revolting, King Fink shouts back, They certainly are.

    Can't think of any more just now.
  3. forluvofsmoke

    forluvofsmoke Smoking Guru OTBS Member

    Much more wisdom contained therein than most of us will be able to apply to our personal relationships anytime soon...

    And a few good laughs along the road to knowledge as well!



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