The dog, the mistress & the urinal

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by smoking b, Dec 12, 2012.

  1. A man stuck his head into a supermarket and called out, "Does someone in here own the Great Dane that's chained to a parking meter?"

    A man in the checkout line yelled, "That's my dog, why?"

    "Well, my dog just killed your dog."

    "Killed my Great Dane?" the shocked man asked. "What kind of dog do you own?"

    "A Chihuahua."

    "How did a Chihuahua kill my Great Dane?"

    "He choked on it."


    A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big kiss, tells him she'll see him later, and walks away.
    His wife glares at him and says, 'Who was that??!!"
    "Oh," replies the husband, 'that was my mistress."
    The wife says, "That's it; I want a divorce."
    "I understand," replies her husband, "But, remember, if you get a divorce, there will be no more shopping trips to Paris, no wintering in the Caribbean, no Lexus in the garage, and no more country club. But the decision is yours."
    Just then the wife notices a mutual friend of theirs entering the restaurant with a gorgeous woman.
    'Who's that woman with Jim?" she asks.
    "That's his mistress," replies her husband.
    "Ours is prettier," says the wife.


    An accountant, a lawyer and a cowboy were standing side-by-side using a urinal. The accountant finished, zipped up and started washing and literally scrubbing his hands.. clear up to his elbows...he used about 20 paper towels before he finished.

    He turned to the other two men and commented, "I graduated from the University of Michigan and they taught us to be clean."


    The lawyer finished, zipped up quickly and wet the tips of his fingers, grabbed one paper towel and commented, "I graduated from the University of California and they taught us to be environmentally conscious."


    The cowboy zipped up and as he was walking out the door said, "I graduated from the University of Texas and they taught us not to piss on our hands."

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