My deer hunt

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by pitrow, Mar 6, 2008.

  1. pitrow

    pitrow Smoking Fanatic

    I had the idea that I was going to rope a deer, put it in a stall, feed
    it up on corn for a couple of weeks, then kill it and eat it. The first
    step in this adventure was getting a deer. I figured that since they
    congregate at my cattle feeder and do not seem to have much fear of me
    when we are there (a bold one will sometimes come right up and sniff at
    the bags of feed while I am in the back of the truck not 4 feet away),
    it should not be difficult to rope one, get up to it and toss a bag over
    its head (to calm it down) then hog tie it and transport it home.

    I filled the cattle feeder then hid down at the end with my rope. The
    cattle, having seen the roping thing before, stayed well back. They
    were not having any of it.
    After about 20 minutes, my deer showed up -- 3 of them. I picked out a
    likely looking one, stepped out from the end of the feeder, and threw my
    rope. The deer just stood there and stared at me.

    I wrapped the rope around my waist and twisted the end so I would have
    a good hold. The deer still just stood and stared at me, but you could
    tell it was mildly concerned about the whole rope situation.

    I took a step towards it...it took a step away. I put a little tension
    on the rope and then received an education.

    The first thing that I learned is that while a deer may just stand
    there and look at you funny while you rope it; they are spurred to
    action when you start pulling on that rope. That deer EXPLODED.

    The secon d thing I learned is that pound for pound, a deer is a LOT
    stronger than a cow or a colt. A cow or a colt in that weight range I
    could fight down with a rope and with some dignity. A deer-- no chance.

    That thing ran, bucked, twisted, and pulled. There was no controlling
    it and certainly no getting close to it. As it jerked me off my feet
    and started dragging me across the ground, it occurred to me that
    having a deer on a rope was not nearly as good an idea as I had
    originally envisioned. The only upside is that they do not have as much
    stamina as many other animals.

    A brief 10 minutes later it was tired and not nearly as quick to jerk
    me off my feet and drag me when I managed to get up It took me a few
    minutes to realize this, since the blood flowing out of the big gash in
    my head had mostly blinded me. At that point, I had lost my taste for
    corn-fed venison. I just wanted to get that devil creature off the end
    of that rope. I figured that if I just let it go with t he rope hanging
    around its neck, it would likely die slow and painfully somewhere.

    At the time, there was no love at all between that deer and me. At that
    moment, I hated the thing, and I would venture a guess that the feeling
    was mutual.

    Despite the gash in my head and the several large knots where I had
    cleverly tried to arrest the deer's momentum by bracing my head against
    various large rocks as it dragged me across the ground, I could still
    think clearly enough to recognize that there was a small chance that I
    shared some tiny amount of responsibility for the situation we were in.
    Since I didn't want the deer to suffer a slow death, I finally managed
    to get it lined back up between my truck and the feeder (a little trap
    I had set before hand), kind of like a squeeze chute. I got it to back
    in there and I started moving up so I could get my rope back.

    Did you know that deer bite? Well they do! I never in a million years
    would have thought that a deer woul d bite somebody, so I was very
    surprised when I reached up there to grab that rope and the deer grabbed
    hold of my wrist.

    Now, when a deer bites you, it is not like being bit by a horse where
    they just bite you and then let go. A deer bites you and shakes its
    head --almost like a pit bull. They bite HARD and it hurts.

    The proper thing to do when a deer bites you is probably to freeze and
    draw back slowly. I tried screaming and shaking instead. My method was
    ineffective.

    It seems like the deer was biting and shaking for several minutes, but
    it was likely only several seconds.

    I, being smarter than a deer (though you may be questioning that claim
    by
    now) tricked it. While I kept it busy tearing the bejesus out of my
    right arm, I reached up with my left hand and pulled that rope loose.
    That was when I got my final lesson in deer behavior for the day.

    Deer will strike at you with their front feet. They rear right up on
    their back feet, strike rig ht about head, and shoulder level, and
    their hooves are surprisingly sharp.

    I learned a long time ago that, when an animal -- like a horse
    --strikes at you with their hooves and you cannot get away easily, the
    best thing to do is try to make a loud noise and make an aggressive
    move towards the animal. This will usually cause them to back down a
    bit so you can escape.


    This was not a horse. This was a deer, so obviously, such trickery
    would not work. In the course of a millisecond, I devised a different
    strategy.
    I screamed like a woman and tried to turn and run.

    The reason I had always been told NOT to try to turn and run from a
    horse that paws at you is that there is a good chance that it will hit
    you in the back of the head.

    Deer may not be so different from horses after all, besides being twice
    as strong and 3 times as evil, because the second I turned to run, it
    hit me right in the back of the head and knocked me down.

    Now, when a deer paw s at you and knocks you down, it does not
    immediately leave. I suspect it does not recognize that the danger has
    passed. What they do instead is paw your back and jump up and down on
    you while you are laying there crying like a little girl and covering
    your head. I finally managed to crawl under the truck and the deer went
    away.

    So now I know why when people go deer hunting they bring a rifle with a
    scope so that they can be somewhat equal to the #@&#*Prey
     
  2. bwsmith_2000

    bwsmith_2000 Master of the Pit OTBS Member

    Sounds like that dude was somewhat educated that day. Good one!
     
  3. travcoman45

    travcoman45 Master of the Pit OTBS Member

    That's a good one!
     
  4. kookie

    kookie Master of the Pit OTBS Member

    Thats funny..........good one..............
     

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