More Oley and Sven...

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by phil s, Oct 25, 2007.

  1. phil s

    phil s Smoke Blower

    So, Sven and Ole are bungee-jumping one day. Sven says to OLe, "You know, we could make a lot of money running our own bungee-jumping service in Mexico." Ole thinks this is a great idea, so the two pool their money and buy everything they'll need - a tower, an elastic cord, insurance, etc.

    They travel to Mexico and begin to set up on the square. As they are constructing the tower, a crowd begins to assemble. Slowly, more and more people gather to watch them at work. Sven jumps. He bounces at the end of the cord, but when he comes back up, Ole notices that he has a few cuts and scratches. Unfortunately, Ole isn't able catch him, Sven falls again, bounces and comes back up again. This time, he is bruised and bleeding. Again,Ole misses him. Sven falls again and bounces back up. This time, he comes back pretty messed up - he's got a couple of broken bones and is almost unconscious.

    Luckily, Ole finally catches him this time and says, "What happened? Was the cord too long?"

    Sven says, "No, the cord was fine, but vat da hell is a pinata!!?"

    __________________________________________________ _________

    A couple was looking through their new home with Ole the contractor, picking out wall colors for the various rooms. They went into the living room first, said they'd like to have it in a pale green. Ole wrote something down on a pad, then went to the window and yelled, "Gren sida oop!"

    They went on into the kitchen, where the couple chose a light clay color for the room. Again the Ole wrote something on a pad, went to the window, and yelled " Gren sida oop!"

    This continued from room to room, upstairs and downstairs - all through the house until they were finished. Finally, the husband couldn't contain himself any longer, he had to find out what was going on.

    "I'm confused," he said. "Every room we've gone to, we've picked out a particular room color, you've written on a pad, then gone to the window and yelled, "Gren sida oop! Now, I know a little Swedish and we didn't choose green in any room. What's going on?"

    "Oh!", said Ole, "I've got Sven out der layin' sod for me."

    __________________________________________________ _________

    So, Ole --- I see you got a sign up that says, "Boat For Sale." But you don't own a boat, Ole. All you got is your old John Deere tractor and your combine.

    "Yup, and they're boat for sale."

    __________________________________________________ _________

    So Ole was hiking in the mountains of Norway and he slips on a wet rock and he falls over the edge of a five-hundred-foot cliff, and he falls twenty feet and he grabs hold of a bush that's growing out of a rock. And there he is, he's hanging looking down at this deep fjord down below him -- certain death -- and his hands start to perspire and he starts to slip on this bush and he yells out, "Is anybody up der?"

    And he heard a deep voice rings out in the fjord, "I'm here, Ole. It's the Lord, Ole. Have faith. Let go of that bush and I will save you."

    Ole looked down, and he looked up, and he says, "Is der anyvone else up der?"

    __________________________________________________ __________

    So Sven and Ole are walking home from the tavern late at night and they head down the railroad tracks, and Sven says, "This is the longest flight of stairs I ever climbed in my life."

    And Ole says, "Yeah, it's not the stairs that bother me so much, it's dese dang low railings."

    __________________________________________________ __________


    Sven and Ole went out duck hunting, and they worked at it for a couple hours and finally Sven says: "I wonder why aren't we getting any ducks, Ole?"

    "I don't know. I wonder if we're throwing the dog high enough."

    __________________________________________________ __________

    Sven was buying his first TV. He went into the furniture shop where Ole worked as a salesman. "I vant to buy that nice TV over dere" Sven said.

    "Sorry, ve don't sell TV's to Svedes" Ole said.

    Sven was flabbergasted but refused to give up so easily. He bought himself a very expensive disguise complete with the outfit, the hairstyle and even learned a new accent. He came back to the furniture shop.

    "Hey, man, be cool. I really dig that TV there. How much you want for it, cat?" Sven asked.

    Ole didn't pause in his response. "Sorry, ve don't sell TV's to Svedes!"

    Sven was flabbergasted and more determined than ever. He went to a neighboring city and bought another disguise and learned another new accent. He came back to the furniture shop. "Howdy, partner, I'd sure like to purr-chess that TV yonder, wa-ja say?" Sven asked.

    Ole again immediately responded, "Sorry, ve don't sell TV's to Svedes!"

    Sven stepped back, ripped off his mask, and demanded, "Hey, how in de vurld did you know I'm a Svede?"

    "Vell, first of all, yong man, dat ees a micro vave offen."

    __________________________________________________ __________

    Ole and Lena were sitting down to their usual cup of morning coffee listening to the weather report coming over the radio. "There will be 3 to 5 inches of snow today and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the odd numbered side of the streets." Ole got up from his coffee and replies "Jeez, OK."

    Two days later, again they both are sitting down with their cups of morning coffee and the weather forecast is, "There will be 2 to 4 inches of snow today and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the even numbered side of the streets." Ole got up from his coffee and replies, "Jeez, OK."

    Three days later, again they both are sitting down with their cups of coffee and the weather forecast is, "There will be 6 to 8 inches of snow today and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the..." and then the power went out and Ole didn't get the rest of the instructions. He says to Lena, "Jeez, what am I going to do now, Lena?" Lena replies, "Aw, Ole, just leave the car in the garage."
     
  2. badss

    badss Meat Mopper

    LMAO...some good ones in there Har Har!
     
  3. richoso1

    richoso1 Smoking Guru OTBS Member SMF Premier Member

    Always welcome something that makes you smile and/or laugh. Good ones.
     

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