Go North to Barbeque.

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by gnubee, Sep 11, 2009.

  1. gnubee

    gnubee Master of the Pit OTBS Member SMF Premier Member

    I just found this old post in my computer files. It was lost from SMF during the great purge of 2009 when so many posts were lost.

    Being from Canada, I have taken no small amount of kidding from Forum members from the more Southern States about the lack of good smoked BBQ Up here in the frozen north. One cannot deny that the farther south you go, the more smokers there are and the more savvy they are when it comes to the Thin Blue.
    Many Southerners have asked me why we don’t seem to have that many Smoking and grilling enthusiasts up here in Canada.
    I have to say that its true that up to now this Country hasn't quite embraced Smoking and Smokers yet but its getting there. Slowly but surely grills and smokers are moving ever so slowly northward.
    I will attempt to answer some of the questions why we are so far behind our southern neighbours.

    It’s the Dammed Weather!

    Manitoba is a Cree word for “At least the summers are nice.”
    Saskatchewan is a native Word for “When the damned Ice melts in the spring I‘m outta here!”
    The nations Capitol Ottawa is Iroquois for Goddamm its cold!!
    But there is hope….
    Some day we may even see an Inuit dog team pulling a Lang 84 on skis.
    The new north will abound with sights of dog teams lounging around a UDS for warmth.
    Thin blue smoke will be seen wafting gently from the center cockpit of a Kayak.
    Nanook Roma’s Musk Ox Rib Joints will spring up all across the tundra .
    Noobs will be posting questions like….. how long do you brine a seal and do you smoke it with the blubber on the top or bottom.
    How big a pit do I dig and how many cement blocks will it take for your average month long Beluga smoke?

    Will two wheelbarrows of Jeff’s rub be enough to do a Musk-Ox ?
    Is it acceptable to use a chainsaw when spatchcocking a humpback?

    What the hell is wood and where can I find some ?

    A news story in the local paper will advise that Santa will be late 3 days this year due to a 72 hour plateau encountered while smoking a Walrus.  (Side note , Since Santa has discovered SMF and smoking venison, be sure to keep your copies of “Prancer the Movie” they are sure to become collector items)
    Environmentalists will condemn us smokers for contributing to warming of the ice pack causing it to retreat early this year. Thus making it hard on polar bears.
    Pita will also protest the annual polar bear hunt because of the cruel way they are being captured on the streets of Toronto. They cite the cruel method whereby peas are spread around the edges of a deep ice pit . Ashes are then spread in the bottom of the pit. When the bear comes up to take a pea you kick him in the ash hole.

    Pita considers this to be cruel and unusual punishment of a helpless animal. In response to this claim, native guides have offered to provide transportation and direct any and all Pita representatives out on the ice with some nice fresh handfuls of meat with which to feed the poor little bears. [​IMG]
  2. Thanks for some good laughs.

    It is surely true that the northern climate is a factor in the absence of the smoking tradition that is prevalent in the South. But I've sure enjoyed some fine meals on my visits to Montreal.
  3. alx

    alx Master of the Pit OTBS Member

    That is funny.The folks up north sure can smoak fish though.Our neighberhood in alsaka would have an incredible smell of salmon and alder during the runs....
  4. desertlites

    desertlites Master of the Pit OTBS Member

    to funny roger-and Brrrr

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