getting old ain't easy

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by smokincowboy, Aug 6, 2007.

  1. smokincowboy

    smokincowboy Smoking Fanatic OTBS Member

    LOST IN THE DARNDEST PLACES:
    >
    > An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her

    > car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her
    > situation to the dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering

    > wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!" she cried.
    >
    > The dispatcher said, "Stay calm. An officer is on the way."
    >
    > A few minutes later, the officer radios in. "Disregard." He says.
    "She
    > got in the back-seat by mistake."
    >
    >
    __________________________________________________ _____________________
    > _
    >
    > FAMILY
    >
    > Three sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, live in a house together. One
    night
    > the 96-year-old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She
    > yells to the other sisters, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?"
    > The 94-year-old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up and see."
    She
    > starts up the stairs and pauses "Was I going up the stairs or down?"
    > The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening

    > to her sisters. She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never
    get
    > that forgetful, knock on wood." She then yells, "I'll come up and
    help
    > both of you as soon as I see who's at the door."
    >
    >
    __________________________________________________ _____________________
    > _
    >
    > "I CAN HEAR JUST FINE!"
    >
    > Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine

    > March day. One remarked to the other, "Windy, isn't it?"
    >
    > "No," the second man replied, "it's Thursday."
    >
    > And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's have a beer."
    >
    >
    __________________________________________________ _____________________
    >
    > LITTLE LADY:
    >
    > A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing
    home.
    > As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say
    > "Supersex." She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair. Flipping

    > her gown at him, she said, "Supersex."
    >
    > He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, "I'll take

    > the soup."
    >
    >
    __________________________________________________ _____________________
    >
    > OLD FRIENDS:
    >
    > Now this one is just too Precious... Two elderly ladies had been
    > friends for many decades. Over the years, they had shared all kinds
    of
    > activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited

    > to meeting a few times a week to play cards. One day, they were
    > playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get
    > mad at me .. I know we've been friends for a long time, but I just
    > can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't
    > remember it. Please tell me what your name is."
    >
    > Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared

    > and glared at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"
    >
    >
    __________________________________________________ _____________________
    >
    > SENIOR DRIVING
    >
    > As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.

    > Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I

    > just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on
    > Interstate 77. Please be careful!"
    >
    > "Heck," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"
    >
    >
    __________________________________________________ _____________________
    >
    > DRIVING
    >
    > Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely

    > see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an

    > intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through.
    > The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing

    > it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light." After a few

    > more minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was red

    > again. Again, they went right through The woman in the passenger seat

    > was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned

    > that she was losing it. She was getting nervous At the next
    > intersection, sure enough, the light was red and they went on
    through.
    > So, she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred, did you know
    > that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have
    > killed us both!"
    > Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh, crap, am I driving ?"
     
  2. deejaydebi

    deejaydebi Smoking Guru

    I cna relate to some of that stuff CRS Stinks!
     
  3. HEEEE,HEEE! We can relate if only from a distance ( but not to far [​IMG] ).Daun
     

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