George Carlin's Views on Aging

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by jtribout, Jun 5, 2008.

  1. jtribout

    jtribout Meat Mopper

    [font=&quot]I Love Carlin, Enjoy!

    George Carlin's Views on Aging
    >>
    >>Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is
    >>when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about
    >>aging that you think in fractions.
    >>
    >>"How old are you?" "I'm four and a half!" You're never thirty-six and a
    >>half. You're four and a half, going on five! That's the key.
    >>
    >>You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the
    >>next number, or even a few ahead.
    >>
    >>"How old are you?" "I'm gonna be 16!" You could be 13, but hey, you're
    >>gonna be 16! And then the greatest day of your life . . . you become 21.
    >>Even the words sound like a ceremony . . YOU BECOME 21. YESSSS!!!
    >>
    >>But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like
    >>bad milk! He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're
    >>Just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed?
    >>
    >>You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40. Whoa! Put on the
    >>brakes, it's all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH 50 and your
    >>dreams are gone.
    >>
    >>But wait!!! You MAKE it to 60. You didn't think you would!
    >>
    >>So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60.
    >>
    >>You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a
    >>day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday!
    >>
    >>You get into your 80s and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch;
    >>you TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime. And it doesn't end there. Into the 90s,
    >>you start going backwards; "I Was JUST 92."
    >>
    >>Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little
    >>kid again. "I'm 100 and a half!"
    >>May you all make it to a healthy 100! and a h alf!!
    >>
    >>
    >>HOW TO STAY YOUNG
    >>1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height.
    >>Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay "them "
    >>
    >>2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.
    >>
    >>3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening,
    >>whatever. Never let the brain idle. "An idle mind is the devil's
    >>workshop." And the devil's name is Alzheimer's.
    >>
    >>4. Enjoy the simple things. Trust in the Lord.
    >>
    >>5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.
    >>
    >>6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person, who is
    >>with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.
    >>
    >>7. Surround yourself with what you love, whether it's family, pets,
    >>keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.
    >>
    >>8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable,
    >>improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.
    >>
    >>9 Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next
    >>county; to a foreign country but NOT to where the guilt is.
    >>
    >>10 Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.
    >>
    >>
    >>AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:
    >>Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments
    >>that take our breath away.

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  2. 1894

    1894 Smoking Fanatic SMF Premier Member

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