For the Military Types

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by blackhawk19, Nov 11, 2007.

  1. blackhawk19

    blackhawk19 Master of the Pit OTBS Member

    Subject: A conversation with a Marine commander and a local sheriff

    Hello may I speak to the Commanding Officer of Fleet Marine
    Amphibious Group Six."

    "Speaking, how may I help you sir."

    "Yea, well good morning. I'm Sheriff Johnny Griffin of Duncan County
    Georgia. I'm calling about an unfortunate incident that happened here
    This weekend between four of my off-duty deputies and your Gunnery
    Sergeant John Anthony Taylor."

    "Yes sheriff I am familiar with the incident, how can I help you?"

    "Well first I'd lak at pologize fer four of ma men jumpin on the
    Gunny lak that. In all fairness they shouldn't have attackted him lak
    They did, but in their defense ah hafta say they had been adrinkin.
    Anyway that ain't no excuse. They shouldn't of jumped him lak they
    Did. Also ah wants ya to know that we all have a great deal of
    Respect fer the military and had they known he was a Marine, they
    Probably wouldn't jumped him lak they did. See he was eyeballin Paula
    The bartender and they didn't take too kindly to it. They saw his
    Eagle and glove Marine emblem on his t-shirt and they just kinda tore
    Into him. Anyways I really regret that it happened."

    "I'm sure you do sherriff."

    "Well ah just called to pass on the good news to you and hope that
    You'll pass it on to Gunnery Sargeant Taylor. The good news is that
    All four of my deputies.... they's all gonna live.

    Jones will have a permanent limp but the doctor says he will
    Eventually walk again.

    Wilcox can talk again since they installed the larynx box and they
    Hope to be able to pull Markam's nose out of his skull later this

    They successfully removed the size 13 spit-shined shoe out of Harris'
    *** this morning and the doc says within two weeks he'll be able to
    Sit again. By the way I will be amailing that shoe back to ya."

    "I'm glad that they're all recovering so nicely sheriff."

    "Yea me too. Me too. Oh could I ask you a favor?"

    "Sure sheriff, what is it?"

    "Please don't let anymore of your Marines into Paula's beer joint.
    I'm down to me and one deputy."

    "I'll put if off limits right away sheriff."

    "Gunnery Sargeant I just received a report that you were involved in
    An "altercation" with four civilians at Paula's Bar in Duncan Georgia
    This past Saturday."

    "Yes sir, that's correct sir."

    "Well along with the report came these pictures, can you explain them
    To me."

    "Well yes sir, I was sitting drinking my beer talking to the female
    Bartender when these four guys yelled and charged at me."

    "Well would you be kind enough to explain what happened next?"

    "Well sir an "altercation" broke out."

    "Well Gunny lets start with the first picture here, its marked Mr.

    "Well sir, he was the first one to come at me, I grabbed him and
    Tried to hold him as he repeatedly attacked my fist with his face."

    "I see, and how did he break his leg?"

    "Apparently it was when he flew out the second floor window sir."

    "What about photo number two Mr. Duncan it says."

    "Sir it appeared to me that Mr. Duncan had severe intestinal gas.
    Anyway a vacuum formed in his intestines which caused my foot to rise
    With unusual force and lodge itself in his *** , plugging the vacuum
    That was emanating from his rectum. He too departed by the same

    "I see and Mr. Wilcox here."

    "Unfortunately Mr. Wilcox swung at me and missed but unfortunately
    His forward momentum caused him to trip and the poor fellow fell into
    My palm and struck it with the brunt of his neck."

    "Ok and Mr. Markum here?"

    "Mr. Markum's nose charged my elbow sir."

    "Did he manage to successfully engage your elbow with his nose."

    "He did sir."

    "And how long did this entire incident take Gunny?"

    "I would estimate 20 to 30 seconds sir."

    "And what did you do when it was over?"

    " I finished my beer and continued talking to the bartender sir."

    "Thank you Gunnery Sargeant, that will be all."
  2. walking dude

    walking dude Smoking Guru SMF Premier Member

    gotta love it..........gotta love it

  3. cowgirl

    cowgirl Smoking Guru OTBS Member

    [​IMG] Good one!

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