Affairs

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by smokemaster, Sep 7, 2007.

  1. smokemaster

    smokemaster Smoke Blower

    >> The 1st Affair

    >>

    >> A married man was having an affair

    >> with his secretary.

    >> One day they went to her place

    >> and made love all afternoon.

    >> Exhausted, they fell asleep

    > and woke up at 8 PM .

    >> The man hurriedly dressed

    >> and told his lover to take his shoes

    >> outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.

    >> He put on his shoes and drove home.

    >> 'Where have you been?' his wife demanded.

    >> 'I can't lie to you,' he replied,

    > 'I'm having an affair with my secretary.

    >> We had sex all afternoon.'

    >> She looked down at his shoes and said:

    >> 'You lying bastard!

    >> You've been playing golf!'

    >>

    >> The 2nd Affair

    >>

    >> A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked

    >> abou t having a son.

    >> They decided to try one last time

    >> for the son they always wanted.

    >> The wife got pregnant

    >> and delivered a healthy baby boy.

    >> The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son.

    >> He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.

    >> He told his wife: 'There's no way I can be the father of this baby.

    >> Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered!

    >> Have you been fooling around behind my back?'

    >> The wife smiled sweetly and replied:

    >> 'Not this time!'

    >>

    >> The 3rd Affair

    >>

    >> A mortician was working late one night.

    >> He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, about to be cremated, and made

    >> a startling discovery.

    >> Schwartz had the largest private part he had ever seen!

    >> 'I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz,' the mortician commented, 'I can't allow you

    >> to be cremated with such an impressive private part.

    >> It must be saved for posterity.'

    >> So, he removed it,

    >> stuffed it into his briefcase,

    >> and took it home

    >> 'I have something to show

    >> you won't believe,' he said to his wife, opening his briefcase.

    >> 'My God!' the wife exclaimed,

    >> 'Schwartz is dead!'

    >>

    >> The 4th Affair

    >>

    >> A woman was in bed with her lover

    >> when she heard her husband

    >> opening the front door.

    >> 'Hurry,' she said, 'stand in the corner.'

    >> She rubbed baby oil all over him,

    >> then dusted him with talcum powder.

    >> 'Don't move until I tell you,'

    >> she said, 'pretend you're a statue.'

    >> 'What's this?' the husband inquired

    >> as he entered the room.

    >> 'Oh it's a stat ue,' she replied,

    >> 'the Smiths bought one and I liked it so I got one for us, too.'

    >> No more was said,

    >> not even when they went to bed.

    >> Around 2 AM the husband got up,

    >> went to the kitchen and returned

    >> with a sandwich and a beer.

    >> 'Here,' he said to the statue, have this.

    >> I stood like that for two days at the Smiths and nobody offered me a

    >> damned thing.'

    >>

    >> The 5th Affair

    >>

    >> A man walked into a cafe,

    >> went to the bar and ordered a beer.

    >> 'Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent.'

    >> 'One Cent?' the man exclaimed.

    >> He glanced at the menu and asked:

    >> 'How much for a nice juicy steak

    >> and a bottle of wine?'

    >> 'A nickel,' the barman replied.

    >> 'A nickel?' exclaimed the man.

    >> 'Where's the guy who owns this place?'

    >> The bartende r replied:

    >> 'Upstairs, with my wife.'

    >> The man asked: 'What's he doing upstairs with your wife?'

    >> The bartender replied:

    >> 'The same thing I'm doing

    >> to his business down here.'

    >>

    >> The 6th Affair

    >>

    >> Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.

    >> He looked up and said weakly:

    >> 'I have something I must confess.'

    >> 'There's no need to, 'his wife replied.

    >> 'No,' he insisted,

    >> 'I want to die in peace.

    >> I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your

    >> mother!'

    >> 'I know,' she replied,

    >> 'now just rest and let the poison work.'
     
  2. smokincowboy

    smokincowboy Smoking Fanatic OTBS Member

    good ones hehehe
     

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