ADVICE FROM A RETIRED HUSBAND (pg-13)

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by earache_my_eye, Apr 6, 2008.

  1. earache_my_eye

    earache_my_eye Smoking Fanatic OTBS Member

    It is important for men to remember that, as women grow older, it becomes
    harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when they
    were younger. When you notice this, try not to yell at them. Some are
    oversensitive, and there's nothing worse than an oversensitive woman.

    My name is Jim. Let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife,
    Terri. When I retired a few years ago, it became necessary for Terri to get
    a full-time job along with her part-time job, both for extra income and for
    the health benefits that we needed. Shortly after she started working, I
    noticed she was beginning to show her age. I usually get home from the golf
    club about the same time she gets home from work.

    Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says she has to rest
    for half an hour or so before she starts dinner. I don't yell at her.
    Instead, I tell her to take her time and just wake me when she gets dinner
    on the table. I generally have lunch in the Men's Grill at the club so
    eating out is not reasonable. I'm ready for some home-cooked grub when I
    hit that door. She used to do the dishes as soon as we finished eating. But
    now it's not unusual for them to sit on the table for several hours after
    dinner.

    I do what I can by diplomatically reminding her several times each evening
    that they won't clean themselves. I know she really appreciates this, as it
    does seem to motivate her to get them done before she goes to bed.

    Another symptom of aging is complaining, I think. For example she will say
    that it is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly bills during
    her lunch hour. But, boys, we take 'em for better or worse, so I just smile
    and offer encouragement. I tell her to stretch it out over two or even
    three days. That way she won't have to rush so much. I also remind her that
    missing lunch completely now and then wouldn't hurt her any (if you know
    what I mean). I like to think tact is one of my strong points.

    When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest periods. She
    had to take a break when she was only half-finished mowing the yard. I try
    not to make a scene. I'm a fair man. I tell her to fix herself a nice, big,
    cold glass of freshly squeezed lemonade and just sit for a while. And, as
    long as she is making one for herself, she may as well make one for me too.

    I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support Terri. I'm
    not saying that showing this much consideration is easy. Many men will find
    it difficult. Some will find it impossible! Nobody knows better than I do
    how frustrating women get as they get older. However, guys, even if you
    just use a little more tact and less criticism of your aging wife because
    of this article, I will consider that writing it was well worthwhile After
    all, we are put on this earth to help each other.

    Signed,
    Jim

    EDITOR'S NOTE:
    Jim died suddenly on February 7 of a perforated rectum. The police report
    says he was found with a Calloway extra-long 50-inch Big Bertha Driver II
    golf club jammed up his rear end, with barely 5 inches of grip showing, and
    a sledge hammer laying nearby. His wife Terri was arrested and charged with
    murder. The all-woman jury took only 10 minutes to find her Not Guilty,
    accepting her defense that Jim, somehow without looking, accidentally sat
    down on his golf club.
     
  2. desertlites

    desertlites Master of the Pit OTBS Member

    wow scary -sounds like me but gonna be a 4 quater piece of oak shoved in mine-and she gonna say chit out chips for the smoker.
     
  3. cman95

    cman95 Master of the Pit SMF Premier Member

    Anyone want to buy a set of golf clubs?
     
  4. That's why I'll never be allowed to retire.
     
  5. kookie

    kookie Master of the Pit OTBS Member

    Thats funny............lol...............
     
  6. kratzx4

    kratzx4 Smoking Fanatic

    LMAO. What a pity that most women don't have a good man like that around. She sure is lucky. ( hope the wifey does not see this, crap here she comes)
     
  7. travcoman45

    travcoman45 Master of the Pit OTBS Member

    Oh yeah, he was smooth alright! Bout as smooth as an Iowa road in the spring!
    [​IMG]
     
  8. All woman jury? They should have been at work!
     
  9. erain

    erain Master of the Pit OTBS Member SMF Premier Member

    that was funny!!! i just read it to my wife and cudnt stop crackin up, make matters worse i gotta sore throat(no not from a golf club or anything else)and it hurt laffin. just when i thot it all ovrt i read habenaros reply.... sorry no offense women, cudnt help it,
     

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