- Aug 27, 2008
- 5,170
- 409
1. Your spouse tells you that you spend more time reading & posting on SMF than anything else;
2. You’re outdoor cooking equipment & accessories list is as long as your honey-do list;
3. You’re “to smoke” list gets smaller only when you stay away from SMF for at least 1 full work week, plus days off;
4. #3 NEVER happens;
5. You spend most of your free/idle time at work thinking about how to modify your existing cooking equipment to get the most effective/efficient use out of it;
6. You spend the rest of your free/idle time at work deciding what to take out of the freezer, and on what day, so it will be thawed for your next chance to do a smoke;
7. You spend all of your free time (not including SMF time) at home following through with #5;
8. You spend all of your spare cash buying more equipment or accessories for outdoor cooking;
8. Your friends ask you when you’ll be smoking next, and if they can bring something over for you to toss in with your meat;
9. You have a family of 7 and enough smoker and grill capacity to cook entrees and sides for 100+ people;
10. You faithfully post q-view on SMF, so as to cause others who may not be smoking at that particular moment in time to have smoke withdrawal symptoms of the most critical in nature;
11. You have a semi-permanent poly keyboard cover for your PC, just in case you fail to heed the drool alerts or spew alerts;
12. At some point after joining SMF, you wonder if there is a cure to the addiction, so you ask on the forum, only to be told “enjoy the ride, there‘s no cure“;
13. You’d rather stay up late at night writing articles like this than……………..…sleep!!!!!!!!!;
14. You tell your friends you smoked a fatty yesterday………and they know what you mean;
15. Your neighbors no longer ask “whatcha cookin’ today?”, because they already know from smelling the smoky aromas 3 blocks down-wind of your house, having asked the same question no less than a dozen times in the past 6 months;
16. your non-Q eating neighbors make it a habit to know when you are off work, knowing that this will be when you‘re likely to do an all-day smoke…not so they can ask for samples, but so they can be sure to keep their pets safe at home & indoors! J/K
17. you realize that you really can smoke virtually anything edible………….and still eat it……………
18. You get an ultimatum from your spouse regarding the time of day, a bed and a computer;
A. If you meet the criteria for 3 or less of the situations listed above, then you may still have hope. If you wish to seek help for this, you won’t get it from anyone here on the forum, so don’t even bother posting a thread, as it wastes bandwidth and members time reading your thread.
B. If you meet the criteria for 4-6, you may qualify for US Government subsidized rehabilitation. This will of course depend on the length of time you have been under the influence of thin blue smoke (min 12 months). Upon your agreement for a scheduled appointment and home inspection by a facility staff supervisor, they will require proof of ownership of every smoker and smoke generating accessory on your premises, as they cannot and will not confiscate the equipment if the owner is unknown. A simple “yeah that one’s mine, too” will suffice. All contraband must be confiscated prior to admittance into a rehab facility…they want no-one to go into relapse as you may only enter this program one time. They will also inspect the foods stored in your refrigerator(s) and freezer(s) for evidence of frozen pre-smoked meats, and your pantry for smoked & dried-cured products such as jerky, as any of these will be considered contraband as well. Note that the more contraband found and confiscated, the better your chances for being admitted into a rehab facility. Be sure this is what you want to do before making that phone call.
C. If you meet the criteria for 7-9, you are beyond rehabilitation, so don’t waste your breath whining to the feds about it. If local assistance from city, county/parish or state agencies is denied, please see paragraph D.
D. If you meet the criteria of more than 9, you are in so deep that you may as well just give in and go with the flow, because you’re hung with this for life!!!!!!!!! Don’t even think about rehab, as it is only effective if you are in the earlier stages of addiction…you cannot be helped even if you ask for help, so hang up the phone, grab your camera and fire up that smoker!
Eric
2. You’re outdoor cooking equipment & accessories list is as long as your honey-do list;
3. You’re “to smoke” list gets smaller only when you stay away from SMF for at least 1 full work week, plus days off;
4. #3 NEVER happens;
5. You spend most of your free/idle time at work thinking about how to modify your existing cooking equipment to get the most effective/efficient use out of it;
6. You spend the rest of your free/idle time at work deciding what to take out of the freezer, and on what day, so it will be thawed for your next chance to do a smoke;
7. You spend all of your free time (not including SMF time) at home following through with #5;
8. You spend all of your spare cash buying more equipment or accessories for outdoor cooking;
8. Your friends ask you when you’ll be smoking next, and if they can bring something over for you to toss in with your meat;
9. You have a family of 7 and enough smoker and grill capacity to cook entrees and sides for 100+ people;
10. You faithfully post q-view on SMF, so as to cause others who may not be smoking at that particular moment in time to have smoke withdrawal symptoms of the most critical in nature;
11. You have a semi-permanent poly keyboard cover for your PC, just in case you fail to heed the drool alerts or spew alerts;
12. At some point after joining SMF, you wonder if there is a cure to the addiction, so you ask on the forum, only to be told “enjoy the ride, there‘s no cure“;
13. You’d rather stay up late at night writing articles like this than……………..…sleep!!!!!!!!!;
14. You tell your friends you smoked a fatty yesterday………and they know what you mean;
15. Your neighbors no longer ask “whatcha cookin’ today?”, because they already know from smelling the smoky aromas 3 blocks down-wind of your house, having asked the same question no less than a dozen times in the past 6 months;
16. your non-Q eating neighbors make it a habit to know when you are off work, knowing that this will be when you‘re likely to do an all-day smoke…not so they can ask for samples, but so they can be sure to keep their pets safe at home & indoors! J/K
17. you realize that you really can smoke virtually anything edible………….and still eat it……………
18. You get an ultimatum from your spouse regarding the time of day, a bed and a computer;
A. If you meet the criteria for 3 or less of the situations listed above, then you may still have hope. If you wish to seek help for this, you won’t get it from anyone here on the forum, so don’t even bother posting a thread, as it wastes bandwidth and members time reading your thread.
B. If you meet the criteria for 4-6, you may qualify for US Government subsidized rehabilitation. This will of course depend on the length of time you have been under the influence of thin blue smoke (min 12 months). Upon your agreement for a scheduled appointment and home inspection by a facility staff supervisor, they will require proof of ownership of every smoker and smoke generating accessory on your premises, as they cannot and will not confiscate the equipment if the owner is unknown. A simple “yeah that one’s mine, too” will suffice. All contraband must be confiscated prior to admittance into a rehab facility…they want no-one to go into relapse as you may only enter this program one time. They will also inspect the foods stored in your refrigerator(s) and freezer(s) for evidence of frozen pre-smoked meats, and your pantry for smoked & dried-cured products such as jerky, as any of these will be considered contraband as well. Note that the more contraband found and confiscated, the better your chances for being admitted into a rehab facility. Be sure this is what you want to do before making that phone call.
C. If you meet the criteria for 7-9, you are beyond rehabilitation, so don’t waste your breath whining to the feds about it. If local assistance from city, county/parish or state agencies is denied, please see paragraph D.
D. If you meet the criteria of more than 9, you are in so deep that you may as well just give in and go with the flow, because you’re hung with this for life!!!!!!!!! Don’t even think about rehab, as it is only effective if you are in the earlier stages of addiction…you cannot be helped even if you ask for help, so hang up the phone, grab your camera and fire up that smoker!
Eric
