18 signs that you are addicted to thin blue smoke

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by forluvofsmoke, Sep 26, 2009.

  1. forluvofsmoke

    forluvofsmoke Smoking Guru OTBS Member

    1. Your spouse tells you that you spend more time reading & posting on SMF than anything else;

    2. You’re outdoor cooking equipment & accessories list is as long as your honey-do list;

    3. You’re “to smoke” list gets smaller only when you stay away from SMF for at least 1 full work week, plus days off;

    4. #3 NEVER happens;

    5. You spend most of your free/idle time at work thinking about how to modify your existing cooking equipment to get the most effective/efficient use out of it;

    6. You spend the rest of your free/idle time at work deciding what to take out of the freezer, and on what day, so it will be thawed for your next chance to do a smoke;

    7. You spend all of your free time (not including SMF time) at home following through with #5;
    8. You spend all of your spare cash buying more equipment or accessories for outdoor cooking;

    8. Your friends ask you when you’ll be smoking next, and if they can bring something over for you to toss in with your meat;

    9. You have a family of 7 and enough smoker and grill capacity to cook entrees and sides for 100+ people;

    10. You faithfully post q-view on SMF, so as to cause others who may not be smoking at that particular moment in time to have smoke withdrawal symptoms of the most critical in nature;

    11. You have a semi-permanent poly keyboard cover for your PC, just in case you fail to heed the drool alerts or spew alerts;

    12. At some point after joining SMF, you wonder if there is a cure to the addiction, so you ask on the forum, only to be told “enjoy the ride, there‘s no cure“;

    13. You’d rather stay up late at night writing articles like this than……………..…sleep!!!!!!!!!;

    14. You tell your friends you smoked a fatty yesterday………and they know what you mean;

    15. Your neighbors no longer ask “whatcha cookin’ today?”, because they already know from smelling the smoky aromas 3 blocks down-wind of your house, having asked the same question no less than a dozen times in the past 6 months;

    16. your non-Q eating neighbors make it a habit to know when you are off work, knowing that this will be when you‘re likely to do an all-day smoke…not so they can ask for samples, but so they can be sure to keep their pets safe at home & indoors! J/K

    17. you realize that you really can smoke virtually anything edible………….and still eat it……………
    18. You get an ultimatum from your spouse regarding the time of day, a bed and a computer;

    A. If you meet the criteria for 3 or less of the situations listed above, then you may still have hope. If you wish to seek help for this, you won’t get it from anyone here on the forum, so don’t even bother posting a thread, as it wastes bandwidth and members time reading your thread.

    B. If you meet the criteria for 4-6, you may qualify for US Government subsidized rehabilitation. This will of course depend on the length of time you have been under the influence of thin blue smoke (min 12 months). Upon your agreement for a scheduled appointment and home inspection by a facility staff supervisor, they will require proof of ownership of every smoker and smoke generating accessory on your premises, as they cannot and will not confiscate the equipment if the owner is unknown. A simple “yeah that one’s mine, too” will suffice. All contraband must be confiscated prior to admittance into a rehab facility…they want no-one to go into relapse as you may only enter this program one time. They will also inspect the foods stored in your refrigerator(s) and freezer(s) for evidence of frozen pre-smoked meats, and your pantry for smoked & dried-cured products such as jerky, as any of these will be considered contraband as well. Note that the more contraband found and confiscated, the better your chances for being admitted into a rehab facility. Be sure this is what you want to do before making that phone call.

    C. If you meet the criteria for 7-9, you are beyond rehabilitation, so don’t waste your breath whining to the feds about it. If local assistance from city, county/parish or state agencies is denied, please see paragraph D.

    D. If you meet the criteria of more than 9, you are in so deep that you may as well just give in and go with the flow, because you’re hung with this for life!!!!!!!!! Don’t even think about rehab, as it is only effective if you are in the earlier stages of addiction…you cannot be helped even if you ask for help, so hang up the phone, grab your camera and fire up that smoker!

  2. beer-b-q

    beer-b-q Smoking Guru OTBS Member

    That about fits it for all here...[​IMG]
  3. rivet

    rivet Master of the Pit OTBS Member

    Honestly...I got 12 [​IMG]
  4. eaglewing

    eaglewing Smoking Fanatic SMF Premier Member

    LMAO, for me it's simple, I buy 3 racks of Spare ribs and make all the sides and then it's just me and the wife [​IMG] I'd say that's alil addicted...LOL
  5. and I wrote the artical
  6. nickelmore

    nickelmore Smoking Fanatic

    This is too funny,

    Im having withdrawals today, Maverick is in for repair, need to get some more wood, and a huge list of things to do before he wife gets home.
  7. scarbelly

    scarbelly Smoking Guru OTBS Member

    [​IMG]I fail to understand why any of those on the list are not normal. The folks who have not eneded up here yet are the ones needing help
  8. gnubee

    gnubee Master of the Pit OTBS Member SMF Premier Member

    I loved it. [​IMG]

    19. You have been forced to decide which of the several old cars up on blocks in the back yard will have to be sacrificed to make way for the new series of UDS you plan to build.

    20. Your Wife declares Its the smokers or Me! So You immediately check the times on your probes to decide if you have enough time between moppings to drive her to the bus station or just make her walk.

    21. It occurs to you that maybe you should just make smokers out of the old cars up on blocks in the back yard which will solve # 19 nicely.

    22. The Butcher has you on a tab. The bank has agreed to amortize the tab at 12%.

    23. The beans tasted wierd since the cat dissapeared.

    24. On Christmas Eve the kids tried to sit up all night to see Santa. You spent that night in a blind. Planning to take out Prancer with your bow.

    25. You have friends with Wierd names like; Pineywoods, forluvofsmoke,

    Beer-B-Q, GnuBee, The Dude Abides, nicklemore, Rivet, Irishteabear etc etc etc. and you don't find that odd at all.

    26. You consider missing work again and smoking a brisket instead because the weather office predicted a 5% chance of light showers.

    27. Smoking a 17# Brisket for just two people doesn't seem unreasonable to you.

    28. You consider having more children just to help out with the backlog of PP in your several deep freezes.

    29. Speaking of your several deep freezes , You need to call the electrical company about installing a new 200 amp curcuit to handle the extra load for the walk-in your wife doesn't know you bought yet.

    30. There's a brief worry about what the wife is going to do and say about you buying the new walk-in when she finds out about it.

    31. You check back with #20 on the list then remember! Oh yeah She walked; Making #28 moot and #30 solved.

    32. Reading this list is giving you a headache so you grab a beer take some Jap's out of the fridge to make ABT's and relax. Its all good. [​IMG]

    I took a similar yet different tack in my old post a while back.

    Same guy but different experience level.

  9. Im a B I still have hope dont tell my wife
  10. forluvofsmoke

    forluvofsmoke Smoking Guru OTBS Member

    Oh, yeah, I remember it now! This just popped into my head that night, so I just rolled with it, I did have this strange sense of dejavu for some reason, now I know why...I don't drink anymore, but I was still laughing as I wrote it!

    You got a bunch of good additions to it...had me floored for a minute! [​IMG]

    Have fun all!

  11. mballi3011

    mballi3011 Smoking Guru OTBS Member SMF Premier Member

    I think that sounds like me and the wife doesn't mind me smoking. But she does still make fun of me and the camera thing. You talk about jonesing to smoke try traveling to Germany and the only chance you have of smoking is to buy (we hopefully going today) agrill/smoker for your son and his family so they (wink wink) can grill out from now on.
  12. rivet

    rivet Master of the Pit OTBS Member

    This was great!

    # 25 Yep, and Mrs Rivet also knows all you all by those names too and drops them when talking to me ALL THE TIME...as in "Hon, wasn't that Beer-B-Q that sent you that rub you're using" or "Oh sure, now you want to smoke even more brisket just like The Dude and make pastrami!"

    #26 Oh heck yeah! I won't call in to work, but I sure as heck check the weather on the weekend. Good smoking weather = good smoking....Just Because! One can't have enouh smoked meats in the deepfreeze for winter, right?... [​IMG]

    #27 Unreasonable? Why would that be unreasonable....we'll eat it eventually, and it keeps great in the deepfreeze!

    #32 No, no headache, but at 4:30 PM on a Tuesday it makes me wanna go out and fire up the grill and smoke something!!!!!

    Excellent post, bud, and thanks for making me smile!

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